


Numb

by TheSwahn



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Adultery, Angst with a Happy Ending, Conflict, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Mention of dead character, Mild Blood, Minor Violence, married akashi, midotaka and aokise sidepairing, the blood and violence isn't bad tho just a very minor injury
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2018-09-17 19:42:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9340262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSwahn/pseuds/TheSwahn
Summary: Reuniting after years of being apart, Reo learns that his ex boyfriend is now married. He used to hate cheaters, but after meeting Akashi again he learned that you can never judge someone before you know their story.This is not set in the canon universe so even though Akashi and Reo went to high school together, none of the events from canon happens in this story.





	1. Reuniting

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted to write an akamibu fic for so long (the world needs more) and I finally did it! So midotaka and aokise are just minor sidepairings in this, though midotaka plays a bigger part than aokise. Also, the first chapter may be a bit short, I'm not sure how well it turned out, but if you read this please stick around for (hopefully) more interesting chapters! :)

Love. What is love? It’s a strange thing. It is something that can make you happier than you’ve ever been, but it can also crush your heart in cold, shattering depression. Can you have the good without the bad? Can you have the bad without the good? Sometimes the good that comes from it is worth the pain, but sometimes the pain that comes from it is too great for the good things to be worth it. And sometimes you have to work hard to get through the bad, but in the end, when the happiness comes, it is so worth it that you will never regret it. 

For Mibuchi Reo, love meant a lot of pain, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. For him, love is the faint smell of cigarettes and expensive cologne in his sheets. It’s forgetting about the world and laughing together in the middle of the night. It’s the joy of getting used to talking together every day, but the pain of realizing you are actually alone when they leave. It’s the look in his lover’s eyes when he is truly at peace, living in the moment. Love is all the little things that make one big thing in a whole. 

______

‘He’s cute.’ Reo thought, watching the young barista work behind the counter. He was sitting in a café, enjoying a cup of caramel latte and a piece of carrot cake. The barista and waiter was shorter than him, but seemed a little more masculine. He had short, brown hair, a square jaw and a hint of stubbles just starting to grow in.

‘Seems to be my type.’

‘Maybe I should talk to him.’ 

He was really considering flirting a little with the cute guy, but he was debating whether or not it was worth the effort. On one hand, it had been a while since he got some action, and the guy was cute but not out of his league. But on the other hand, he was feeling kind of lazy that day and didn’t really want to get off his ass. And hooking up meant going somewhere, possibly on a date first, before going to a strangers home and having to find his way home the day after. 

It was raining that day, which always made him feel more lazy. Well maybe not as much lazy, but more relaxed, calm. Reo loved rain, because ironically enough the world felt more quiet then. Less people go out in the streets, birds and animals hide in shelter, it’s like the world is set on hold. And since it was the weekend, he didn’t have work either. A perfect day to relax in his favorite café. 

‘Maybe I could get laid.’ He thought, sipping from his latte. His friends always urged him to get out more, date more, have more sex. Sometimes it pissed him off because he didn’t need someone else to be happy and have a good life, but he knew they just didn’t want him to be lonely. And well.. even though he tried to hide it, he was lonely a lot of the time, which they probably saw.

‘Okay if he comes over again, I’ll talk to him. If not I’ll just leave it.’ Reo decided to himself, just when the cute guy came over to clean his table, picking up his empty plate.

“Are you finished with this?” 

“Yes, thank you. It was really good.” Reo answered sweetly, with a coy smile. He knew exactly how to wrap guys like this around his finger. 

“So you like sweet things then? The cake is almost as sweet as you.” The guy said with a cocky smirk and Reo was almost surprised he didn’t wink too. 

Ugh that was so cheesy, he almost couldn’t forgive it. Cringing inside, he tried to ignore it, hoping his eye didn’t visibly twitch. 

‘But if he says something like “Did you fall from heaven” I’m leaving.’ 

They talked a little. He seemed nice enough, a little boring maybe. Soft jazz music played in the café and Reo’s mind drifted a little. He remembered hearing this song somewhere else, a long time ago, but he couldn’t remember where or when. It was.. from the radio? No, a stereo. A stereo inside a bedroom that seemed too clean to be owned by a teenager. A bedroom he had to sneak out of in the middle of the night. A bedroom he spent so much time in, but felt like it was ages ago since he was last in it. 

His mind drifted like this for a while, randomly remembering unimportant events of the past, until a flash of bright red hair suddenly caught his eye. His heart stopped for a split second, like it always did whenever he saw bright red hair. And every time he always was a little disappointed in himself. No. He was over this. He really needed to stop reacting to red hair, because it wasn’t him, it never would be, it was ridiculous.

But then he heard the voice as the man the red hair belonged to ordered coffee, and there was no doubt. Reo would recognize that voice anywhere. Completely forgetting about the waiter, Reo stood up from his table so fast, the table shook a little. And there he was, as if he was having some incredibly realistic dream. He couldn’t believe it. How long had it been? How many years? For a long time he just stood there staring like an idiot, too shocked to speak or move. But when the redhead started to move towards the exit, his mind was finally kicked in gear. 

A slight panic settled over him. No. He was going to slip away. He couldn’t let that happen. The moment still didn’t feel real, but he reacted purely on instinct at the time. 

“Sei-chan!” He called out without even thinking and Akashi Seijuurou, whipped his head around so fast his hair swished slightly. 

“Reo..” He looked like he’d seen a ghost. But then again, so did Reo probably. And yet, he couldn’t help the huge smile that spread on his face. Walking over to the man, he was so excited to see him. He just couldn’t believe it was him!

“Oh my god, it’s been so long! Like five years?” 

“Six actually. It’s been six years.” Akashi corrected him, almost like he had been counting this whole time. He looked older.. His eyes had the same heterochromative color, but didn’t look as bright as before, more calm in a way, and his hair was longer, like when they first met. He had grown a little taller too, reaching Reo’s nose instead of just his chin. And probably the most noticeable feature, his face was more mature. His jaw was more square, his eyebrows slightly thicker and the skin around his chin just a little bit rougher. 

‘Does six years really show this much?’ It made him wonder how much he had changed himself.

“Yeah.. How have you been?” Reo responded before his staring got too obvious.

“Fine. I took over my father’s company. He’s still the owner, but he wanted me to take over the business early.” 

“Oh wow, so you did it huh!” This is what Akashi had been working towards his whole life, but Reo didn’t mention that he knew this wasn’t what made him happy. Maybe he should just be happy for him that he accomplished something. A big company boss.. He must have been some genius to take over so early. Well of course he was though, he’s Akashi Seijuurou. 

“And how are you doing?” The man asked politely and Reo was almost a little embarrassed to tell him after hearing how successful Akashi became. 

“Ah well.. I work in a hair salon right now. Pretty close to where I live.” 

“That’s right, you wanted to be a stylist.” Akashi murmured and Reo couldn’t help being flattered by the thought that he actually remembered his dream. 

“Yeah, my dream is to work in fashion. But right now I’m just figuring things out, so I’m content with my current job.” 

“Of course. You should do what you see fit.” Akashi replied and Reo couldn’t help thinking ‘Why don’t you follow that advice yourself.’ But he didn’t say anything. 

“So it seems a lot happened then.” He commented. It seemed so long since they last saw each other, and yet it felt like it was only yesterday.

“Yes, and..” Suddenly Akashi went quiet and the air around him changed. He seemed reluctant. His eyes shifted to the floor and Reo could see his hands tensing. His face looked almost pained. Was he nervous? What could he say that seemed so bad? Thoughts raced through Reo’s head. What if he’s sick, what if something bad happened.. “I got married.” 

Reo’s heart sank to the pit of his stomach. The sounds in the café turned into white noise as he stared blankly at the man in front of him. He felt like the breath had been knocked out of him for a second and it was difficult to breath. It stung. His chest was tight, like something squeezed around his heart. He told himself he was overreacting, but the ringing in his head wouldn’t stop. Married. His Sei-chan was married. Except that he wasn’t his Sei-chan anymore. Of course he had moved on, Reo hadn’t expected him to be hung up in him for six years. He had no right to be upset over this. But still.. he wasn’t even invited to the wedding. He told himself that's why it hurt, but it really wasn’t. Who was he trying to fool. 

He had to swallow the lump in his throat at least three times before he could speak. Forcing himself to smile and be happy for Akashi. 

“Married.. Wow, I can’t believe it. It’s such a big thing.” 

“It happened fast. And the ceremony was just with our closest family.” Akashi said and he seemed uncomfortable talking about it. Though not as uncomfortable as Reo. 

“But anyway, congratulations.” The words sounded fake even to himself. 

Akashi just nodded in thanks, his eyes shifting to the floor. For a moment, they just stood there in uncomfortable silence, neither of them knowing what to say. Reo could feel his throat tightening, the air in his lungs suffocating him slowly. 

‘Please say something. Anything.’

“Sei-chan I-“ “Have drinks with me.” They both spoke at the same time to break the silence. 

“What?” Reo said, not hearing properly as they spoke over each other. 

“Have drinks with me. Please.” 

“Sei-chan it’s only five in the afternoon..” Drinks? Why did he suddenly want that now?

But the look on Akashi’s face seemed desperate, almost needy. His eyes were pleading him, like he really needed it and Reo just couldn’t say no to those eyes. 

“Okay. But I have some bottles at my place, so let’s go there. I feel a little weird going to a bar so early haha.” 

And so they did. It felt sort of unreal to bring his ex-boyfriend from six years ago to his apartment to drink, but he would be lying to himself if he wasn’t enjoying it. The closer they got to his place, the more they talked. The rain had ceased a little, not raining as hard as before, but the sound of the drops dripping on his umbrella for once didn’t soothe him, but made his heart beat faster this time. The boy, no.. man he had loved for all of his high school years, plus half of his college years was walking no more than a meter at his side and Reo wanted nothing else than to hold his hand as they walked. They broke up so long ago, but it was something about Akashi that just pulled him in, like a weird magnetic power he couldn’t control. 

Akashi’s umbrella was a black, expensive one and yet, he left it outside Reo’s door without a second thought, not wanting to make his hallway wet. By the time they were inside and had their first glass of wine, they were reminiscing about their school days. How strange it was that after all this time, they talked normally like they’d been neighbors for years. In a way it could be seen as just a reunion between classmates, but Reo never saw Akashi as a classmate. They weren’t even in the same class, since Reo was a year older than him. But even if they were, Akashi would never be anything else than his ex-boyfriend to him. 

By the time they had finished a bottle, they were reminding each other of all the things they did when they dated. The dates, the fights, the sex, the good and bad moments. Because no matter what happened, neither of them could deny that what they had was good. Their compatibility was greater than what Reo had ever had with any other boyfriends, even though he didn’t want to admit that to himself for such a long time. But it was true. Despite his bad sides, Akashi could read him like no other. He knew when he was sad, when he was happy, when he was lying.. And although it was more difficult for him, Reo could mostly read Akashi as well. Better than other people nevertheless. 

But that was natural right? Lovers learned how to read each other when they were together. It’s normal to grow together and learn new and old things. But somehow it felt like it was more than that with Akashi. Yes, lovers grow, but they don’t always fit together. A lot of couples disagree, argue more than normal, even mistreat each other, but Akashi and Reo just clicked so well. Maybe that’s why it was so hard to forget him. 

By the time they finished a second bottle, Reo could feel the buzz of the alcohol. He wasn’t completely wasted yet, but it was fair to say that he was drunk. His head felt dizzy and was spinning slightly so he leaned his head back on the couch, his arms resting lazily at his sides. When he felt Akashi’s hand gently touch his, he glanced to the side to see the man staring at him. The red and ocher eyes watched him focused, yet seemingly dark. Reo could see desire in them. His heartbeat sped up considerably, the adrenaline pumping through him along with the alcohol in his body. 

He instinctively leaned closer, Akashi doing the same, until they were so close they could feel each other’s ragged breath. And then they just.. jumped on each other. Their lips crashed together, hungry and needy. Their hands clawed at each other’s bodies, desperate to get as much as possible in the shortest amount of time as clothes were thrown to the floor. Hot skin slapping against skin, radiating warmth and electricity, along with needy moans and heavy breaths were the only sounds in the room as they desperately fell into pleasure, touching and kissing until it was the only thing they could think about, everything else completely forgotten. 

If this was a sin then Reo didn’t want to go to heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to keep Akashi's eyes one red and one yellow just because I like different colored eyes and I want to say upfront that he doesn't have a split personality here, although he may go from "normal" to suddenly very cold or something similar.   
> And I want to mention that they are around 27 and 26 respectively.


	2. Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reo goes through "the morning after" dread and Takao is a good friend.

Bright sunlight streaming through his thin, white curtains forced Reo’s eyes open in the morning. He kind of wanted to close them again and sleep more, but he was already awake. The bed felt extra comfortable that day and with the person against his back and arm around his waist, he never wanted to leave. The warmth and comfort wrapped around him like a protective blanket.

That’s right, he was sharing the bed with someone. It had been so long since he didn’t wake up alone. But the more he woke up, the more the dread set in. The dryness in his mouth and soreness of his body was a reminder of what they did. They had sex. And Reo hated himself for it. 

He hated how good it had felt. He hated that it felt so right and not wrong at all in the moment. He hated how he lost control, how weak he was. Because when Akashi kissed him, it felt like every other thing in the world disappeared, like nothing else mattered. The way he took him roughly, but not hurting him- never hurting him, lit his body on fire and caused explosions inside him. And the way his smooth, slightly hoarse voice whispered his name over, and over again made him want to die. 

Taking a deep breath, he gently removed the arm around him and got up. His hands were shaking as he stared out the window. It actually wasn’t as late as he thought, because there was still a sunrise. 

Some stirring in the sheets, followed by a yawn, told him that Akashi was waking up. Reo just kept still, staring out the window. 

“Good morning.” That voice he loved so much spoke in an even huskier than usual morning voice. Reo was quiet. There was nothing he could say right now without tearing up. He just wished his hands would stop shaking. 

“Darling, what’s wrong?” 

‘Don’t call me that.’ He always did that. Used the words he wanted to hear, but not the ones he needed. 

“Do you do this often?” He finally spoke, after what seemed like an eternity. The dread sat in his chest like a cold stone, painful and hard, the weight of it almost too much to bear. 

“Do what?” Akashi’s voice was levelled, measured. He was being careful not to say the wrong thing. 

Reo almost laughed in irony, but it came out as a small scoff. 

“Go behind your wife’s back and fuck other people?”

“No. Reo..” He could hear him getting up, but Reo still couldn’t bear to look at him. Was he strong enough to stand against him today? 

“I’ve never done this before. You’re the only one, there’s never been anyone else.” Akashi continued, trying to soothe him. 

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?!” At that, Reo whipped his head around, feeling more anger than sadness. How dare he? He’s going to make Reo his mistress and then excuse it?

“And what am I supposed to tell you? Nothing I say will make it better.” 

“You’re married Akashi!” Reo yelled, the anger and sadness and disappointment all mixing together to one big mess. He always used his last name when he was really angry or upset, and he could almost swear he saw the man flinch. 

“Yes, I’m married. But it’s not a happy marriage. I care more about you darling, I can’t walk away from you after this.” 

“Why? You did it before.” That was below the belt and he knew it, but his emotions were a complete mess right now. He couldn’t tell if Akashi was hurt, or just angry, but those red eyes stared at him for a long time and they seemed.. lifeless. Not the burning fire he remembered from the night before, and yes, he remembered every detail. 

‘Don’t look at me like that. I did nothing wrong.’ But he knew he did. He slept with a married man. He could have stopped it, but he was weak. It was too much. Reo knew that either he had to tear Akashi out of his life right now, or he would never be able to leave him. 

“Just.. get out of my apartment.” He said, the words barely a whisper. 

“What?” Akashi replied in disbelief. 

“You heard me.” 

“Are you seriously going to throw me out?” 

‘It’s the only thing I can do. Don’t make it any harder.’

“Yes, so just get out!” Reo picked up Akashi’s shirt from the floor and threw it at his chest. “Get the hell out of my apartment!” He was practically screaming now. It was unnecessary and he knew it, but he couldn’t bare it anymore. He didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t think clearly like this, he just needed time to think and sort out his feelings. 

Akashi picked up his clothes silently, gathering all of his things and slowly got dressed. His face was emotionless, broken. His eyes lifeless and empty. It broke Reo’s heart more than anything. Because no matter how many times Akashi hurt him, he still wanted him to be happy. He wanted him to have a good life, and not get hurt. And least of all did he want to be the cause of something hurting Akashi. Because Akashi is wonderful and amazing and deserves so much better. 

Hearing the front door open, Reo looked up and saw the man pausing there for a moment. 

“If you truly want me to go, I will go. I will leave your life if you want. But I want you to know that I will never stop thinking about you.” Was the last words he spoke and then he was gone. 

Reo shut the door behind him. Leaning his back against it, he sank down to the floor and stayed there. Probably for hours.  
____

“Pull it together.” Reo told himself in the silence of his small apartment. Time to get up. Breathe. Put himself together. He’d done it before, so he knew exactly how. One step at a time, he pieced everything back together when it was broken. It took time, but it was possible. 

Walking to the kitchen, he got a glass of water and drank it slowly, swallowing down the lump in his throat. Going to the livingroom, he cleaned the wine bottles and glasses, then washed the few dishes left in the sink back in the kitchen. Anything to keep his hands busy. After that, he immediately changed the sheets of his bed, throwing it in the washing machine, because he just couldn’t bear to have Akashi’s smell on them. Erase all traces that he was ever there. 

Now what.. He didn’t want to be alone. He couldn’t face his thoughts right now. Looking around in a slight panic, Reo found his phone and called the first person he could think of. It didn’t take very long before he answered, but Reo could feel himself letting out a sigh of relief. 

“Kazu-chan are you busy today?” 

Reo met Takao Kazunari in college, and they almost instantly clicked. Their personalities and interests where both similar and different at the same time, and they quickly became best friends, along with Himuro Tatsuya, who Takao introduced him to later. The three of them had kept in touch after college as well and became best friends, often hanging out and talking. 

“Not really, why?” Takao said on the other end and Reo was so grateful.

“I’m coming over.” 

“What? Uh okay, but Shin-chan is here right now though.” 

‘Shin-chan’ aka Midorima Shintaro was Takao’s boyfriend for about two years now and Reo didn’t really get why they didn’t just move in together since they were always hanging out at each other’s places. He didn’t really want to deal with any lovey-dovey couples that day, but he really wanted to hang out with Takao and at least Midorima wasn’t the most affectionate person, so he wouldn’t be clinging all over Takao and kissing him all the time. Reo was secretly thankful that the man was such a private person. 

“Fine, but I’m coming over.” He repeated, hearing Takao laugh lightly. 

“Okay Reo-nee, you know you’re always welcome~” He said, before they told each other bye and hung up. 

Reo had other friends of course. He was still really good friends with Nebuya and Hayama from high school, but they didn’t really understand him like Takao or Himuro. They were both straight for one (as far as he knew), so he couldn’t really share the dirty details of his love life so to speak, and their personalities were so different that even though he loved the two idiots, they often got on his nerves.

When Reo arrived at Takao’s place, his friend opened the door wearing nothing but a t-shirt that was way too big on him, reaching to his thighs. 

“Please tell me you have underwear under that.” He said with a raised eyebrow and a light sigh as he stepped inside. 

“Yes yes, I’m not that slutty haha.” Takao replied with one of his signature snickers. 

“Sure.” Reo muttered as he plumped down in the couch, pulling his knees to his chest. 

“Hey!” Takao protested, sitting next to him. 

“Oh come on, like you’re not proud of it.” 

“True, pfft.” 

“Do you guys have to fuck when you know I’m coming over though?” 

Takao just snickered more and bumped Reo’s shoulder lightly. 

“What’s up with you today? You’re not usually such a prude.” 

He couldn’t tell him the whole story, but at least he could relieve some of his feelings. 

“I just had a pretty bad one night stand last night and I can’t deal with happy couples right now.” 

“Ah well Shin-chan went home to take care of some things though. He’s coming back later tonight.” 

‘Of course he is.’

“But what happened?” 

Reo sighed and wrapped his arms around his knees, staring at the non-matching socks he had put on without even thinking. It kind of annoyed him, but not enough to distract him from other thoughts. How can he talk about it and still protect his privacy? 

“He just turned out to be kind of an asshole so I didn’t want anything to do with him. I threw him out this morning.” 

Takao watched him, reading him with those ever observing eyes, but to Reo’s relief, he didn’t point out that there was obviously more to the story. This was one of the reasons he liked  
Takao so much. He was curious and always ready to listen, but he also didn’t pry too much. 

“Hm, well good thing you dumped him before it got worse then.” 

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking.” 

Neither of them said anything for a moment, just sitting in comfortable silence and then suddenly Takao jumped up and grabbed his phone, making Reo jolt in surprise. 

“You know what you need? Junk food and face masks!” 

“No! No junk food Kazu-chan.” Reo was always pretty careful about his health and greasy food always made his skin break out. 

“Yes!” But Takao protested, clearly having other plans for him. “You are going to eat an entire pizza and chocolate until you orgasm and it’s gonna be great.” 

And before Reo could say anything else, Takao had called a pizza place and ordered the biggest size they had. So they put on facemasks and when the pizza came, he ate. He stuffed his face with so much pizza and food, because at least he could have this. Comfort eating was pathetic, but at least it was better than getting drunk. He ate and talked with his best friend and they watched stupid TV shows, and for a moment, Reo felt normal. Like a normal person with a normal life. He deserved this. He needed this. It was a distraction from the gnawing, aching, painful sorrow and guilt that was eating him up from the inside. 

A part of him wanted to tell Takao everything right then. To just rant about everything that had happened and bawl his eyes out, get it out of his system. But he couldn’t do that. He didn’t want to be a pathetic whiny bitch, who put all his problems on his friend. Plus, he didn’t want to ruin Takao’s day with this, he couldn’t. And also.. Reo hated crying. He cried easily sometimes, but he hated crying in front of others. It just made him feel weak. 

So he pretended like everything was ok. He was good at that. Putting on a smile and pretending to be happy was something he had practiced from quite an early age. He had only met one person who could see through it, and that was Akashi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fyi, Takao and Midorima actually has a purpose in this story, so I hope the way I introduced them wasn't too awkward? Also I wanted Takao, Himuro and Reo to be friends because me and a friend has an inside joke that they are the three gay, black haired beauties in knb.


	3. Defeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reo tries to forget Akashi when something unexpected happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was finally able to continue. Sorry for the long wait. From now on I'm using google documents instead of word so I won't lose the files. Hopefully this chapter is okay though I feel like it's not the best writing I've done.

Days went by and Reo heard nothing from Akashi. At least he kept what he promised. He said he’d leave his life completely and he did. It was like their night together never happened. Like a dream that felt too real, it was over too quickly and sooner or later he had to wake up and face reality.

Except that it wasn’t. Reo remembered everything that happened that night clear as day. 

Every touch, scent, sight and feeling was burned into his memory like a painful scar and he hated it. He hated that he couldn’t forget. Why couldn’t he forget? It was just one time. With an ex that treated him like shit. He didn’t need him, it meant nothing, so he should be able to forget everything. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he missed what they had. 

Because the good moments outweighed the bad moments.

He missed having Akashi in his life. He missed his personality and the way he treated him, and it was the absolute worst because it meant he couldn’t forget. When he was with Akashi, everything was exciting. Everything from small touches, to passionate sex, to horrible fights made his heart pound and he felt so alive. It felt like a thrilling dance where Akashi lead and Reo followed. Naturally selected steps that flowed with the rhythm, but could change at any moment Akashi chose. 

The excitement was what he loved, but it wasn’t too much. They also had moments where everything was peaceful and nothing else existed but them. Where the world stood still and he had no worries because he didn’t need to think about anything else than that moment. 

‘Stop. Don’t think about it.’

He had to tell himself that over and over. ‘Don’t think. Distract yourself, find something to do, keep busy.’ Because the more he remembered, the more painful it got. Mostly, he distracted himself with work, taking on more shifts than usual and staying in the salon as long as possible. It worked to some degree, but when he came home to the lonely darkness of his apartment, he didn’t know what to do. It should be impossible for one person to have this big of an effect on him, but here he was, a helpless mess. 

After two weeks, Reo finally started feeling numb instead of panicking. It wasn’t good.. but it was better. He felt like he was just moving on autopilot. Waking up, getting ready, going to work, coming home, making dinner and usually going to bed early. Or if he couldn’t sleep, he would keep himself busy with other things. Usually baking sweets or cleaning, finding something to do to keep his mind occupied. 

During daytime, he went to work, cut and styled hair, chatted with customers and in a way it was good to put himself in a setting where he felt normal. Where his biggest worries was if the customer was happy and all he had to talk about was tv-shows and the weather and their diet. 

It was September now, already closing in on October and the leaves on the trees were starting to turn into bright, warm colors. Pretty to look at, but it meant the weather was getting colder. Reo didn’t exactly hate cold weather, but the transition from fall to winter was always gray and windy. And wind was his least favorite weather type. It was just cold, freezing you all the way to your bones and it messed up his hair and clothes.

He randomly thought about how he had never been to the temples in Kyoto. Fall in Kyoto was always pretty, but apparently it was especially beautiful colors by the temples and he would like to go there some time. He just never had time and when he did have time, he just forgot or did something else. 

Walking home from work one day, there was a bitter wind howling outside, feeling like it was going to blow him right over. ‘I need to get a thicker jacket.’ He thought, since the one he was wearing felt like the wind blew right through. He kind of wished he had a car now, but living in the middle of the city, it was almost more inconvenient than it was convenient because of all the traffic jams. When he finally reached the subway, he shivered when he was finally in cover from the wind, but seeing that his train didn’t leave until another twenty minutes, he sighed. He must’ve just missed the last one.

Seeing a small store, he walked over to get a coffee to get his warmth, but when he glanced at the newspaper, his heart dropped. A ringing in his ears blocked out all other noise and his blood felt cold in his veins. 

There he was. That distinct, bright red hair stood out anywhere. Akashi was on the cover of one of the newspapers, shaking hands with some important business man Reo didn’t know who was. Apparently, his company had just closed a pretty big deal, and it was all thanks to Akashi. But Reo didn’t care about any of that. All he could see was how fake Akashi’s smile looked, how tense his shoulders seemed, and he had that cold poker face he always put on. This wasn’t the Sei-chan he knew.

His chest felt tight and his body heavy as he waited for his train in a daze. Flashes of other trains that came and went zoomed past his eyes, but Reo didn’t register anything.

‘He looked unhappy.’ Was all he could think.

Why does he do something if it makes him so unhappy?

He knew the answer, but he didn’t want to accept it. It was Akashi’s sense of duty and honor. He always obeyed his father and put success and the name of the family before his own needs. That was one thing Reo never really liked about him. He wished Akashi would just take care of himself for once and do what made him happy. Maybe that was because Reo lost touch with his parents long ago and didn’t really care about family, but still.. Akashi was so stubborn. He would probably always be this way though.

When he came home, Reo took a shower and after eating a quick dinner, he decided to put on some music and lay a spread with tarot cards. Reo didn’t see himself as the most alternative person. He didn’t have many beliefs, but he found tarot fascinating. 

He tried not to think about the image in the newspaper, but after trying so hard to forget a person, it was kind of hard to suddenly be reminded of them like that. It was like the universe would never let him forget. Akashi was stuck in his mind forever.

By the time he had finished his reading, it was getting pretty late, but he just couldn’t sleep. Maybe he should just get into bed and read a book, hoping to get sleepy? He usually got sleepy if he read in bed. But he had so much to think about, he wasn’t sure it would work. A part of him just wanted to stay up all night, so he would be sleepy the next day, but that would probably just make him fall asleep during the day and he would be awake again in the night. And it would just be an evil circle.

Sighing, he got up from the couch where he was sitting and looked out the window. It was still pretty windy and leaves were swirling with the air streams. He was just about to make some tea, when his doorbell suddenly rang. Who could it possibly this late? He doubted Takao or any other of his friends would come this late without warning (it was already 12:30 after all) and there was no way it was a door to door seller. 

A little scared that it might be someone dangerous, Reo opened the door carefully, peaking outside and there was Akashi.. He looked like a mess and was panting slightly, like he had been running. 

“Sei-chan!” He exclaimed shocked, opening the door all the way. “What are you doing here?”  
Akashi was wearing only a t-shirt and hoodie with some jeans and his clothes looked kind of messy, like he just threw something on. His face looked exhausted and.. broken in a way, with dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn’t slept in days.

“Please..” He spoke, and his voice was raspy. What the hell happened? “I know I said I would leave your life, but I have no where else to go.. Can I please come in for a moment?”

All the pain from the last weeks suddenly disappeared like it was never there. He had never seen Akashi like this, and he had certainly never heard him beg like that. How could he possibly turn him down? 

“Of course.” Reo said without hesitation. He was pretty worried and seeing him didn’t even hurt like he expected, or rather it hurt in a different way because he had never seen Akashi looking so broken. The man hated showing any weaknesses, Reo knew that and he had only seen him cry once before, but that was when he was caught off guard.

They moved inside, Reo locking the door behind them and in the better lighting of his livingroom, he suddenly noticed that Akashi’s hands were covered in blood. His heart stopped for several seconds. Feeling the color drain from his face, he stared, frozen in place and saw that his knuckles had several cuts and wounds on them.

“Sei-chan, your hands!” He said in shock once he came to his senses again and took the hands in his own to study them closer.

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Akashi mumbled, trying to pull them away, but Reo held them tightly around the wrists.

“Nothing? You’re covered in blood! What on earth happened? Oh god..You need to clean these wounds!”

Making him sit down, Reo went to find his first aid kit, trying to keep his own hands from shaking. His hands were so hurt.. How did this happen? Did he get into a fight? Did someone else do this to him? Trying to stay calm, he went back in silence and kneeled in front of Akashi, taking his hands again. Neither of them said anything as he held them gently and carefully dabbed on antiseptic, cleaning off all the blood. 

Reo loved these hands.. These beautiful hands that played the piano and violin and used to touch him with such care and stroke through his hair or caress his skin.. They felt so rough, the blood already dried, meaning the wounds had been there for a while. They were also so cold, probably from the wind outside, making him want to warm them, take care of them, make them well again.

Once he finished cleaning and bandaging the wounds, he still didn’t let go of the hands. He just held them gently, sitting in front of the man he didn’t seem to be able to forget. He didn’t know what to do anymore. Clearly, Akashi came to his home vulnerable and looking for help or at least an escape, so how could he be mad? But it also hurt, because all he wanted to do was to fall into his arms and kiss him until all his problems disappeared.. But he couldn’t. 

“It’s not what you think.” The words broke into his thoughts, and Reo knew he must be talking about his hands. It really looked like he had been in a fight.

“What is it then?” He looked up and was surprised. He expecting to see a stubborn expression, dismissing his worries, but instead, he looked troubled. Akashi’s eyebrows were knit together and he looked tense, not meeting Reo’s eyes.  
“We had a fight.. The worst one yet. I lost control and to not hurt her, I punched the walls. I accidentally hit a mirror which is why it looks so bad. I had to get away. I couldn’t stand being there anymore..”

A fight.. with who? Oh. The wife. What could be so bad that it made Akashi who was always so composed, punch walls and mirrors? Reo didn’t know what to say for a moment. ‘I’m sorry’ didn’t seem like enough and he couldn’t think of anything else. Oh, how he wished he could just hug him.

They both sat in silence again, for what felt like an eternity. The tension seemed to get bigger, like there was some unspoken elephant in the room that both of them ignored. Looking for something to do, Reo was about to get up to maybe make something to drink, but just when he let go of Akashi’s hands, Akashi grabbed his wrist.

Surprised, he looked back to him, but the man stared down, the red fringes of his hair hiding his face.

“Reo..” He spoke in a hoarse voice. “I know you don’t want anything to do with me, but please.. I was hoping we could at least be friends? You give me strength.. And you know more than anyone that the one thing I hate the most is feeling weak.”

‘Why.’

‘Why do you always say things that make me love you.’

Some tears escaped his eyes, sailing down his cheeks slowly. But it was the kind of crying where it just happens on it’s own. The tears just appeared without him noticing, silently and calmly, and the only thing he could think about doing was wrap his arms around Akashi and hug him tight.

“Oh Sei-chan.. How can I just be your friend when you say something like that?”  
Akashi made a sound somewhere between a gasp and a sigh and by the time his arms came around him, bandaged hands gripping the fabric at his back, Reo was kissing him. He gave up. After hearing a confession like that, it was impossible for him to stay away.

‘If this is wrong, then I guess I’m just a bad person.’ He thought, but nothing felt wrong about what they did. In that moment, all he could think about was how deeply he loved Akashi and he couldn’t change that even if he wanted to. 

He wasn’t sure who started it, or how it happened, but soon their kisses grew deeper and more passionate, tongues tangling together and breaths mingling. But they didn’t rush it like last time. The last time had been driven purely by intense desires and desperate needs. This was slower, more sensual.

Everywhere Akashi’s dry lips touched his skin felt like it was burning, making his whole body glow with heat. They both removed each other’s clothes fairly quickly, bare skin making contact and heating each other up even more.

The tight space of the couch didn’t allow much movement, but with Akashi on top of him, Reo draped his long legs around the man’s hips, his hands clinging to his back. Needy, erotic moans and groans filled the room as Akashi wrapped a hand around both of their hot erections, pressing them together and rubbing against him.

Just the right pressure, just the right friction. Reo would help him, but his own hands were trembling so much, he wasn’t sure he trusted them.

The heat grew, like sparks ready to ignite a fire at any moment and he let himself fall into it without holding back. Akashi’s bandaged hand stroke both of them together, going faster and faster as the precum made them wet and slick. 

“Reo.. darling.” The smooth, slightly husky voice murmured his name, making him whimper.

“Sei-chan..!”

Filled with emotion, passion and incredible arousal, Reo gasped Akashi’s nickname as he came, the sticky liquid covering their cocks and the hand rubbing them. Akashi came right after, groaning as he buried his face in Reo’s neck, biting the skin lightly.

They panted for a moment, resting in each other’s arms and Reo was too tired to take a shower or bath. He just grabbed a napkin from the pile he kept on the livingroom table to wipe them, and pulled the blanket over them.

He just wanted to stay like this, not caring about how sweaty or dirty they were. Just the two of them, naked bodies pressed together under one blanket. It was so comfortable that he could fall asleep any second. 

In this moment of the afterglow, his heart felt calm for the first time in so long, and he thought that if this was the feeling being with your lover could give, he didn’t need much else. If something that felt this good was wrong, then he didn’t care. It was impossible to resist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the knb wiki it says that Reo likes tarot and making sweets in his trivia lol. 
> 
> Also, sorry the smut scene is pretty short, I didn't want to make it too detailed this time because it was more about the feels than the smut in this chapter.


	4. Calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some fluff this time because I needed a small break from the drama. 
> 
> "Your hair was long when we first met."  
> "Oh I cut his hair myself one night, a pair of dull scissors in the yellow light  
> and he told me that I'd done alright and kissed me til the morning light."  
> Samson- Regina Spektor  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6EXUQUXtgI

Yellow light escaped through the narrow space in the curtains in the morning, falling over Reo’s sleeping face. His long, black eyelashes brushed over the soft skin under his eyes like feathers as he fluttered them open. Dust danced in the sunrays, resembling glitter that someone had sprinkled around and some of it whirled around Reo’s breath. The world felt calm that morning and he just lay in bed for a moment as he slowly woke up, listening to the birds chirping outside. It was a complete contrast from the cold wind from yesterday. 

Reo felt so peaceful that he almost didn’t want to get up. The sun was shining, the birds singing and the bed was soft, but then he suddenly realised he was alone in the bed and in a split second, his mood did a complete turn over. Where was Akashi? Faster than he could he could sit up in the bed, his heart sank to his stomach and panic was beginning to creep up on him. 

‘He couldn’t have left.. could he? No, he wouldn’t.’ He tried telling himself that even Akashi couldn’t be that cruel, but deep inside, he had a small doubt. He had hurt him before, and badly. But after what happened last night, he couldn’t believe that he would just leave. 

A black pit opened up in his chest that was slowly pulling him further into darkness. He begged for Akashi to not rip his heart out a second time. Not like this. 

‘Please be here. I couldn’t bare it if you left.’

“Sei-chan..?” He called out carefully and his voice sounded weak even to himself, but it was audible. 

“Yes, darling?” Akashi appeared in the doorway, with a wrinkled shirt and the most ridiculous bedhead and Reo felt like he could breathe again, the hole in his chest closing. 

“Darling, what’s wrong?” Akashi’s eyebrows pulled together in a concerned expression and he came to sit on the edge of the bed, stroking over Reo’s hair gently. He must’ve noticed how upset he was.

“I thought you had left..” He admitted and the fear must have shook him up more than he thought if Akashi saw it on his face. 

“Reo..” His lover murmured, pulling him into a hug and Reo leaned into his arms, breathing in his scent. It felt calming. “I would never leave without saying goodbye.” 

He was right.. Akashi always said goodbye in some way before he left, but at the same time, he did so many unexpected things over the years that Reo didn’t know exactly who Akashi was anymore. 

Sighing, he pushed the thoughts away, happy that Akashi was here with him now. And then he suddenly realized.. 

“Didn’t I fall asleep on the couch?” 

“Yes, but you seemed a little cold, so I carried you to the bed while you were still asleep.” Akashi told him. 

‘He carried me to bed..’ That was so romantic, he squealed a little inside. 

“Aaw Sei-chan, that’s so cute~” Throwing his arms around him, Reo rubbed his cheek against him which made Akashi chuckle in a low voice. 

“It was nothing really. It was more comfortable in the bed anyway.” The man chuckled, and Reo realized that it had actually been years since he had seen him smile properly. It stunned him a little, because whenever Akashi genuinely smiled, it was like he fell in love with him all over again. It felt like when you hear music so beautiful that you tear up. The world stands still for a moment, but your soul is so moved you don’t know how to react. 

“Come on, I made coffee. Milk and two sugars right?” The words broke into his thoughts and Reo could only smile in happiness. 

“You remember how I like my coffee.” 

Akashi looked at him, his lips parting slightly like he was about to say something, but then he seemed to change his mind and just smiled politely. 

“Of course I do.” 

Reo really wanted to know what he was about to say. 

They both went to the kitchen, sitting at the small table that had only two chairs and Akashi gave him his coffee, taking his own black. Reo always loved sweet things and with a little bit of milk too, the coffee was just perfect. Sweet and not too bitter. 

For a moment they sipped their warm coffee in silence and when Akashi put his bandaged hand on the table with the palm up, Reo took it, knowing it was his way of silently asking to hold hands. They were both quiet because they didn’t need to say anything. It was enough to listen to the birds and the city waking up outside and Reo gently traced circles with his thumb on Akashi’s sore knuckles. He knew then that he had never lost his feelings for Akashi Seijuurou. Or rather.. he fell in love with him for a second time. 

Akashi looked older as to be expected, but his hair was long like when Reo first met him. When they first met, Akashi’s bangs were so long they fell in front of his eyes, but after that, he kept them short, saying it bothered him. 

Seeing him like this was.. refreshing in a way. Like a reminder of his younger self, but his face didn’t match the memory. The sharper lines of his bone structure gave him a more adult look and his eyes seemed.. deeper. They didn’t have that youthful spark in them, the curiosity of a child, but they were still beautiful. And with the scarlet bangs hanging in front of them, it gave him a cute look.

When Akashi seemed to notice Reo was staring at him, Reo just smiled and said, 

“Your hair is longer.”

“Ah, yes.. I haven’t had time to cut it in a while.” 

“I can cut it if you want.” He actually said it without thinking, because he was so used to hair, but he really didn’t mind. In fact.. he had always wanted to cut Akashi’s hair, but he was such a control freak that he never dared to ask. 

“Alright.” 

Reo blinked a couple of times, not sure if he heard correctly. 

“Wait really?!” 

“Why not?” Akashi smirked when he saw Reo’s expression. “I trust you, and you are a hairdresser after all.” 

“Yay! Wait here.” 

He was really excited already thinking about how he would cut it.  
Faster than Akashi could blink, Reo got up and got all the things he needed. The best equipment was at the salon, but he had some things at home too, since he sometimes cut friends hair. Coming into the kitchen with scissors, a comb, a spray bottle with water, a small mirror and a black cape, he pulled one of the chairs to the middle of the floor and made Akashi sit in it. Then, draping the cape around him to catch stray hairs, he wet his hair a little with the water and began cutting. 

Some rays of sunlight shone through the window in the kitchen, making the dust and hairs visible as it danced around while Reo cut it. The only sounds in the room were from the scissors as Reo cut, strands of red hair falling to the floor with soft, almost soundless thuds. 

He couldn’t help but smile a little to himself because he was so used to customers blabbering about everything, but Akashi was so quiet. This is how he always was though, no bullshit. He could have conversations of course, but only if it was something he cared about. Talk about gossip or the weather and you can save your breath, but talk about the universe or philosophy or psychology and he will have the deepest conversation with you for a long time. 

“What are you smiling about?” Akashi asked curiously and Reo shook his head lightly. 

“Nothing baby.” 

Now it was Akashi’s lips that curled up in a small smile and Reo quirked an eyebrow in curiosity. 

“What?”

“It’s been awhile since you called me that.” 

Now that he thought about it.. He had only called him Sei-chan since they reunited. It’s not like ‘baby’ was anything special, but Akashi seemed to like it and Reo had picked up on that. 

For the remaining time of the haircut, they both fell into comfortable silence again and for a moment, time felt like it went so slow. Like this moment with the two of them had frozen in place and they could stay like this forever. He wished this was true.. But he tried not to think about what came after. 

The sound of the scissors was soothing to him, and for a moment he swore it was so quiet he could hear the hair fall to the floor. Akashi’s eyes seemed distant as he just looked at nothing in particular. It looked like he was thinking deeply about something and this made Reo smile because he loved when he was able to read Akashi’s expression. He hated when he put on a poker face. 

When he finished, he took off the cape from Akashi’s shoulders, careful not to get stray hairs on him and then fixed his hair a little with his fingers, just the finishing touch. 

“All done! What do you think?” Reo said with an excited smile as he held up the mirror. 

Akashi looked at his reflection, turning his head a little and then a small smile graced lips that made Reo’s heart do flips.  
“It looks good.” 

“Really?” He exclaimed excitedly. It was almost embarrassing how happy he got from Akashi’s compliments. “I’m glad.” 

Akashi looked like his old self again now. Not like when they first met, but the time they spent together. His bangs were shorter like Reo knew he liked it and he trimmed it a little all over. 

“I like this haircut on you.” Reo said honestly. He liked it because he could see Akashi’s eyes better and he loved his eyes. He also looked a little more mature, the bright red hair framing his face perfectly. 

Standing up, Akashi’s hands gently touched his hands before moving to his back and Reo couldn’t help the soft gasp that escaped him when the man pulled him closer. 

“Thank you darling.” He murmured and Reo almost blushed. 

‘I really need to get my heartbeat under control.’ 

Akashi was tall enough to kiss him without tip-toeing now, but Reo still had to bend down a little. He loved it though, because their relationship was anything but traditional and their height difference just added to that feeling. 

His hands rested on firm shoulders as Akashi kissed him slow but deeply, their breath and warmth mingling together. His mouth tasted of coffee, which gave Reo a strange, welcoming feeling. The kiss felt so sweet and loving that his legs got weak for a moment, melting his bones into a puddle of emotions. But too soon, Akashi pulled back. 

“Let’s go back to bed.” His voice spoke in just a whisper and Reo smiled, walking to the bedroom with his lover. 

They both laid in Reo’s small, soft bed, watching each other. Akashi’s scarlet eyes met Reo’s seagreen and a hand reached up to brush black strings away from his face. 

“I like the color of your eyes now.” 

Reo had a strange eye color that changed in different light. They varied between different shades of gray and green and could go from quite pale gray to the seagreen they were now. 

Just smiling at the compliment, he stared back at the man, but he noticed Akashi was pretty quiet that day. He didn’t talk much to begin with, but their other nights together, he was so full of passion. Maybe he was just more calm today, but Reo had a tendency to get a little mother hen with the people he cared about and he was especially protective of Akashi. 

“You’re quiet today.. Are you alright?” He worded his worries. 

Akashi’s eyes glanced away from his own for a short moment before finding them again and he moved closer to kiss him softly.

“I am now.” There was a brief pause where Reo thought he saw a glimpse of hesitation in his expression, but his next words made him forget about everything. 

“I just need to be close to you.” 

How could this man keep saying things that made him fall even more in love than he already was? He wasn’t sure if he should be worried or happy that Akashi was opening up to him so much lately, but to be honest he didn’t really care. If Akashi trusted him enough to be open about his feelings, it meant that he needed him and Reo was going to give his all to support him in any way he could. 

“You have me, Sei-chan.” He whispered, long fingers brushing through his freshly cut hair.  
“So let’s stay like this all day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember when I first cosplayed Reo and it was before the third season came out. I looked everywhere in the manga and at official art to try to find out his eyecolor, finally found an official art where he had pale gray eyes (they are all white in the manga, but that's black and white) and then he had like dark green in the anime :)))
> 
> I'm forever salty about that, so I decided to make him have an eyecolor that changes in lighting cause I know someone with similar eyes. Fight me.


	5. Passion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reo is thirsty and Akashi shows his commitment in a way Reo didn't expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *wheezes* *pants*  
> So here's almost 5000 words of smut. Well almost, there's some other stuff happening too x)
> 
> I'm not too sure how I feel about this chapter, but I hope you like it!

Akashi stayed at Reo’s place the whole weekend, coming on thursday night and staying through sunday. At the moment, it was pure bliss, a time where they had no worries and shut out the rest of the world. All Reo could see and think was this beautiful man that he was so in love with, here by his side. He took his worries away and made everything better. But all good things had an end. 

Reo had never dreaded a monday so much in his life. And it wasn’t like they were never going to see each other again, but when monday came and they had to go back to their usual lives, the reality of what they were doing got so much more real. Akashi was actually having an affair.. with him. He felt bad of course, but in his heart he had already decided that Akashi meant more to him than any other person’s feelings. So all he needed to do was avoid thinking about the consequences, pretending like everything was normal. 

Akashi had told his job that he went on a trip with his wife in the long weekend to explain why he suddenly disappeared on friday, and he told his wife that he was on a trip with work. It was a real stretch, but the best he could come up with and all Reo could hope for was that he wouldn’t get in trouble because of him. 

But he refused to get depressed because of this. He had Akashi again and their moments together were absolutely wonderful, making it worth all sacrifices. Every time they were together it was both passionate and blissful, with sweet moments, laughter and happiness, reconnecting conversations and of course amazing sex.  
Reo found it hard to believe how he was satisfied at all without Akashi for six years, because no other partners he’d been with had compared to him. Maybe it was because they had such incredible chemistry and they knew each other so well that it made them so compatible. 

Whatever it was, the sex was so good and it made him more horny than usual. Which was frustrating, because he couldn’t see Akashi as often as he would like. Usually just in the weekends and sometimes he didn’t even have time then. 

They texted everyday too, but usually Akashi’s answers were short and to the point, which didn’t exactly radiate a feeling of romance or passion. And besides Akashi wasn’t really the sexting type. He would rather flirt in person or call if he was desperate, plus he was a little paranoid to keep anything on his phone that might be “compensating”. Reo didn’t say anything, but it did hurt a little that he was that scared of people finding out. 

So there he was, so frustrated he felt like he was going insane and masturbating didn’t really satisfy him either.. He needed to rant about this with his besties. The only problem was, he didn’t want to tell them all the details about Akashi. But he could still say he was dating someone right?  
____

His shift at work felt like it lasted an eternity when all he could think about was Akashi.  
He heard himself answering and talking to the customers but he didn’t know what words came out of his mouth. Everything reminded him of Akashi. Every time he cut red hair or even saw red hair dye, he thought of when he cut Akashi’s long bangs with some dull scissors in his kitchen. And every time he used products that even resembled the scent of Akashi’s cologne, he would get flashbacks. 

‘I’m really going insane.’

He decided it was time to rant, so the moment his shift ended, he immediately pulled his phone from his coat pocket and called Takao. 

“What are you doing today?” Reo said the exact moment his friend picked up, without even waiting for a hello. 

“Well hello to you too Reo-nee~ Nothing really, Shin-chan’s here though.” 

“Takao, Midorima is always there, what else is new.” He pointed out. 

“...I guess.” Takao sounded somewhat defeated but there was a light snicker at the end like always. “Anyway, what’s up?” 

“Can I come over? I need to rant so bad.” 

“Ooh! Is it jucy gossip? Spill everything.” Takao immediately got excited, making Reo chuckle. 

“Wait until I get there you gossip whore.” Reo pretended to scold him and Takao gave an overdramatic sigh. 

“Fiiiine! Get your ass over here then.” 

“I’m already on my way.” 

Takao told him to hurry and so, Reo said goodbye and made his way over to his place.  
____

He was so used to Midorima always being there that he almost didn’t even notice him anymore. At first, he would always greeted him, but now he only did it if Midorima greeted him first, which wasn’t often because the man was probably used to Reo visiting so often too. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Midorima, but he just wasn’t the talkative type and Reo didn’t mind. 

Takao however dragged him inside when he got there and basically shoved him on the couch. 

“Spill! Are you dating someone new? Did you have a weird one night stand? One time I slept with a guy who wanted me to pretend I was a baby and it was weird as fuck.” 

“I know Kazu-chan, you’ve told me a million times.” 

Midorima sent them a sideways scowl that Takao didn’t notice because he had his back to him at the moment, but Reo did. 

“But anyway.. Do you remember that guy I told you about?” 

“Hm..” Takao thought for a moment about the last guy Reo had told him about, because well.. they talked about guys a lot. Or Reo did and Takao listened after he got into a serious relationship. 

“Oh! The one you kicked out?” 

“Yeah..” Reo sighed. He still wasn’t sure how much was okay to tell Takao. 

“Well I started seeing him again.” 

“And is he still an asshole?” Takao asked. He did call Akashi an asshole the last time they talked about him, didn’t he.. He almost felt bad. 

“No. He’s amazing. He’s.. actually really sweet and romantic, but at the same time seductive and dominating and so hot.” 

“Wow sounds like you got it bad haha.” Takao laughed lightly and sat closer to his friend. They both forgot about Midorima for a moment. 

“So I take it he’s good in bed?” 

“So good, you have no idea!” Reo sank down in the couch like he was melting, covering his face with his hands. 

“He know exactly what I want and does everything so well, no matter what it is. But the only problem is I can’t see him so often because of his job and some other things, and I’m dying!” 

Takao laughed louder, clearly amused by Reo’s miserable state. 

“Well have you tried masturbating? I’ll lend you some of my toys if you need.” 

“That’s unhygienic.” Reo stated, wrinkling his nose slightly as he looked at his friend. 

“But yes, I tried and it doesn’t work.. I mean, I’m able to finish and stuff, but it doesn’t feel nearly as good and I just end up unsatisfied after..” He sighed, feeling so sorry for himself. Takao stared at him for a moment like he was dumb and then shook his head. 

“Jesus Reo-nee, if you’re that horny just booty call him. He’s obviously really into you.” 

Reo’s green eyes snapped to his friend’s sly silver eyes that were full of mischief. Could it really be that easy? Just call him over? He never even thought of it that simple. Reo found himself chewing on his bottom lip, thinking it over. 

“Do you really think it’ll be that easy?” 

“Well duh, if you tell him he’s the only thing that can do it for you, he’s gonna come running. Just look at Shin-chan, he comes running if I just snap my fingers.” 

“I do not.” The deep voice responded, and Reo was almost startled, haven pretty much forgotten about him. 

“But you have to admit you do a lot of things I ask you to baby.” Takao turned to his boyfriend with a cunning grin and Midorima’s eyes peeked up from a book behind the glasses. 

“Only because you won’t stop nagging me if I don’t.” 

“Aw, I know you love it~” 

“You two are cute.” Reo chuckled, not minding the lovey dovey atmosphere so much that day. 

“I know right?” Takao slipped into his boyfriend’s lap wrapping his arms around the man’s neck with a knowing smirk. 

Midorima just sighed as if he gave up and kissed Takao. One soft peck, followed by a full, deep kiss that made Takao sigh softly and Reo took it as his queue to leave. No way he was sticking around if they got handsy. Not because he got embarrassed, but because he was too frustrated already and didn’t want to watch something he couldn’t have. 

Discretely picking up his jacket and going to put on his shoes he said “See you later~” and didn’t wait for a reply before heading out. 

It was a pretty quick visit this time, but he lived pretty close to Takao, walking distance, which was why he visited him so much. And he knew there was no stopping those two when they first got in “the mood”. Maybe next time he’d visit Himuro instead. Though that required five stops on the subway. But then again, he should stop being lazy and visit his other friends as well. He felt a little bad that it had been so long actually. 

_____

Normally, he would text Akashi, not wanting to inconvenience him while he was at work or something. But today.. He just needed to hear his voice. He thought about him the moment he left Takao’s apartment. His friend’s words echoed in his head, “Just booty call him.” Would that really work with Akashi? He wasn’t exactly the “booty call” type, but he certainly didn’t say no to sex either if Reo offered. 

‘I don’t want to bother him.’

‘But would he mind?’

‘Maybe he wants it as bad as I do..’

As Reo kept second guessing himself like this, he didn’t even realize he had stopped walking. He just stood there, staring at his phone, until the device vibrated in his hands. He’d forgotten to turn the sound back on after work. Looking at the notification, his eyes widened slightly when he saw it was a text from Akashi. 

“I miss you darling.” It said. Nothing more, nothing less, but still his heart did flips. Multiple of them. And just when Reo thought about calling him.. He decided it was a sign. 

Pressing Akashi’s contact, he quickly called him, holding the phone up to his ear. Why was he even so unsure about this? He knew why though.. Because he was scared that if he was being too clingy, he would chase Akashi off. 

He answered almost right away. 

“Reo?” Akashi sounded just slightly confused, probably wondering why he was calling and not just texting back. 

“So you miss me hm?”  
There was a small pause before Akashi replied, 

“Yes. Terribly.” 

The seriousness of his voice surprised him a bit, but then again Akashi never beat around the bush. He always said what’s on his mind. 

A smile graced Reo’s lips as he was standing there in the middle of the sidewalk. It was late now, already dark outside and his fingertips were just a little bit numb from the cold air. As expected of October. He would have to start wearing gloves soon. 

“I miss you too baby.” Reo replied in a sweet, but sincere tone. “I’ve been so lonely lately.. And I have no one to take care of me.” He deliberately made his voice more seductive, quickly looking around to see that he was indeed alone. 

“Reo, what are you-”

“You know what I’m talking about Sei-chan.” Reo cut him off before he could finish the sentence. “Only your hands can satisfy me.. My body is aching for you Sei-chan.” 

The other end became quiet, the pause dragging on so much that Reo almost got worried that he made Akashi mad, but then he spoke again. 

“Where are you now?” He asked in a firm, almost demanding voice. Reo told him the street. 

“Meet me at the next street over.” 

Reo was a little baffled, but agreed and Akashi hung up shortly after. 

The excitement was tingling inside him so much it made his hands tremble ever so slightly. On the next street? Was he already there? The street lamps lit up the streets even though the city was always lit up. Getting impatient, he broke into a light jog, his breath coming out as puffs of vapor in the cold air. 

He turned a corner, and there he was, leaning against a wall and smoking a cigarette. He was wearing a classic gray coat with the collar popped up to protect against the bitter breeze, and black gloves. He looked sophisticated and mysterious and so hot that Reo wanted nothing more than to kiss him, but just as he thought that, Akashi put out the cigarette with his shoe, walked over to him and just.. sweeped him away. The man pulled him into a deep gasp, before he could even say or think anything. 

Reo was completely floored. He never expected Akashi to kiss him like that, in the middle of a public street, while there were still people out and the feeling was overbearing. It could only be described as happiness, but not the kind of happiness you laugh from, but the one you cry from. Getting a bit overwhelmed with emotions, his hands trembled and he could feel tears filling his eyes while their lips clashed together, both of them gasping for air. 

When he let out a small, weak sob, Akashi pulled back, holding his face in both hands as he stared at him, his red eyes swimming with concern. 

But Reo didn’t want Akashi to see him cry, so he just threw his arms around him, hugging him tight. 

It was too much. To hell with all caution. His entire being loved this man more than he ever thought was possible and there was no use hiding it anymore. To himself or anyone else. 

“Sei-chan I love you.” He sobbed softly, almost whispering. 

Pulling him to the side, into an ally, Akashi exhaled while holding Reo close to his chest, one hand tangling in his long hair and he could almost feel how hard his heart was beating. 

“I know. I love you too.” He whispered back and Reo wanted to cry. Well more than he already was. 

Akashi had never said that to him. Not even back in high school. He had said ‘I like you’ and expressed that he cared deeply about him, but never those specific words. 

He thought that when he finally heard it, it would hurt somehow, or feel wrong. Because deep down, he was still scared that Akashi wasn’t as deep in as him. That he one day would get tired of keeping secrets and leave him.. But hearing the words gave him nothing but relief and happiness. And without thinking, he just laughed, tears still apparent in his eyes. 

“You worry me too much sometimes.” Akashi sighed in relief and Reo could hear the smile in his voice. 

They kissed again, though slower this time and when they took a break, Reo was grinning. Hearing Akashi say that he loves him was worth all hurt, confusion or reservations he previously had. 

“So you smoke now?” He commented once his feelings had settled a bit and he wasn’t an emotional mess. 

“Ah.. only when I’m feeling stressed or tense.” Akashi confessed, holding a finger up to his mouth and gave him a wink. “Don’t tell anyone.” 

For some reason that wink was really hot to him. Especially after that emotional rollercoaster and all he wanted was to have Akashi’s naked body against his own. 

“Kissing in an alley is fun and all.. But I meant what I said earlier on the phone.” He murmured in a sultry voice, touching Akashi’s arm lightly. 

He didn’t have to say much more. Before he knew it, Akashi was dragging him to his expensive, black car and they were speeding along.

They barely stepped inside Reo’s apartment before their lips crashed together in a needy, heated make out session. 

The moment they came inside, Reo was the one to push Akashi against the wall and kiss him. The man let out a surprised sigh at the action, but he eagerly kissed back, his hands holding Reo’s waist firmly, but not hard. He couldn’t press himself close enough, or kiss him deep enough, but Akashi made up for it by giving him exactly what he wanted. 

Reo almost held his breath as Akashi’s tongue invaded his mouth, dominant and seductive. Their kissing was wet and hot, and slightly messy, the saliva covering his lips and some of it escaping the corners of his mouth. 

“Mh..!” Lewd moans spilled from his throat while he desperately tried to gasp for air inbetween the deep kisses.  
The heat quickly rose in his body, and by the way Akashi’s hands got more clingy and desperate, he could tell he was getting aroused too. They squeezed his thighs, pulled his hair, and eventually tore at his clothes, undressing his upper body completely. 

Flipping them around, Akashi pushed Reo’s back against the wall now and lifted one of his legs, so he could cup a good handful of his ass. 

“Ah!” That drew a louder moan out of Reo, encouraging him to do more. 

The heat rose in him even more when one hand was kneading his ass and another teasing his chest. Nimble fingers played with his sensitive nipples and Reo pressed his face in the crook of Akashi’s neck, his hot, shallow breath creating goosebumps on the skin. 

“Hah.. Sei-chan please..” 

“Please what, my darling?” The low and smooth voice was dripping with arousal, which only made Reo shiver more. 

“Fuck me. I need you to fill me so bad.. Please.” Reo begged and he didn’t care how desperate it sounded, because well, he was desperate. 

“Right here, now?” Akashi paused his movements for a moment. 

“I don’t care where, just fuck me.” 

A mix between a groan and a moan came from Akashi and suddenly he lifted Reo up in his arms, making him gasp softly. It was slightly awkward with their height difference and Reo’s long legs, but he just giggled, giving his lover some soft pecks. Akashi smiled as well, carrying him to the bedroom where he lightly tossed him on the soft bed. 

Reo swallowed dryly when Akashi stood in front of him and pulled his dress shirt over his head, too much in a hurry to button it all the way down. Somehow, he managed to undress the rest of both of them while leaning over to kiss Reo and he sighed hotly into his mouth. 

He tried to help, but before he knew it, Akashi had removed both their pants and underwear and Reo could feel his erection jump a little from relief when it was freed of the constricting pants. 

He never got over how incredibly fit Akashi’s body was. He wasn’t too bulky or buff, his body was more lean, but he definitely had muscle definition, with hard abs and a firm chest. Reo was more slim and had softer muscles than Akashi. And he preferred it that way, which was partly the reason he stopped going to the gym. He liked staying fit, but when he did sports back in high school, he got self conscious about his shoulders getting broader, so he stopped after starting college. Reo liked having a more feminine appearance. 

The pace was going a little too slow for his liking, with Akashi taking his sweet time kissing every place of his body and moving his hands painfully slow. It was romantic, but in that exact moment, Reo couldn’t take the teasing. But when Akashi told him to turn around in that sultry voice, he gladly complied, shamelessly sticking his ass up while pressing his face against the pillow. 

“Oh.. You look so delicious Reo.” His lover murmured, his smooth hands groping his ass and he shivered. 

The bottle of lube hadn’t left his bed table ever since they started seeing each other and Akashi quickly grabbed it. A small pause and then finally slick, wet fingers rubbed against his hole before sinking inside him and Reo let out a dragged out moan from the satisfaction. 

“Nnaah..!” 

His whole body flared up in a new heat of pleasure when the fingers probed inside him, rubbing the hot walls. He couldn’t believe how good the man was with his fingers. It was because he plays the piano and violin, he swears. 

Akashi leaned over to kiss and bite his shoulder lightly, and Reo could tell he was getting impatient because the fingers were moving more and more erratic. 

“Please baby, just fuck me already..” Reo pleaded again and with a groan, Akashi finally retracted the fingers. 

But when he reached to take a condom, Reo grabbed his hand, stopping him. 

“Wait.” 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I..” Biting his lip, Reo looked up to him with a sultry look, through long, black eyelashes. “Will you come inside me today?” 

He found it really hot and dirty to be filled with warm cum, to the point where it was leaking out, but Akashi always used a condom, so he never thought about bringing it up. He was actually grateful that he was being safe, but right now he just wanted to throw all caution out the window and just be filthy. 

Akashi stared at him after he asked, the red eyes boring into him looking so intense that they seemed to be on fire.

Then, grabbing his hips, Akashi pushed inside with one, deep thrust and Reo loved it. 

“Aah!” 

He could only get used to the sweet sensation of being filled by a hard cock though, before Akashi pulled his hair, making him sit up. 

With one arm around Reo’s chest, he began to move, with deep, firm thrusts and in this angle he hit the prostate so well that Reo would throw his head back if Akashi hadn’t held his hair so tightly. 

“Oh god yes!! Sei-chan!” 

“Nh..” 

He could hear his lover groan and pant against his shoulder, both of their bodies getting hotter and sticky with sweat. Sometimes, teeth would lightly sink into the skin on his shoulder, but Akashi was always careful not to leave any bite marks or hickeys.

Reo couldn’t move much in his position, so he tried his best to just stay put while Akashi pounded into him from behind, even though his legs threatened to buckle at any time. The muscles in his thighs were getting weaker and weaker and Reo could feel them tremble as well as the rest of his body. With every thrust, a new wave of pleasure shot through him, and his voice was getting sore from how much he was moaning. 

Reaching a hand back to take a hold of Akashi’s damp hair, his other hand rested on the redhead’s thigh, as he gasped for air. 

“S-Sei-chan!” 

He wanted to say that he was close to climax, but he couldn’t get the words out. There was no need though, because in the next moment, Akashi moaned against his ear and buried himself inside Reo as he came, the hand on his chest clawing the already red skin. 

“Nh..!” 

The feeling was exhilarating and when he felt some of the cum leaking out of him, Reo gasped, arching his back against Akashi’s chest as his own orgasm hit him, his whole body trembling from the amazing pleasure. 

“Ah!” 

They both panted deep, ragged breaths, their sweaty bodies sticking together. Finally Reo’s legs gave in from staying on his knees for so long while getting thoroughly fucked and he would have collapsed if Akashi hadn’t held him. 

“Are you alright?” 

“Yeah I’m fine, just a little tired.” Reo said with a smile. 

He shivered when Akashi pulled out, feeling some of the still lukewarm cum running down his thighs, but he was too tired to care and just lay down. 

“So lewd..” Akashi noted, apparently having noticed as well, but he lay next to Reo and kissed his lips softly and tenderly. 

“We can take a shower later, but let’s just lay here for a bit.” 

He was too tired to move now anyway and he’d have to be physically pulled in order to leave Akashi’s side right now. 

The man in question nodded and wrapped his arms around him, stroking over his hair where he had pulled it, as if to soothe it. 

“We have time.” 

And that was all Reo needed. Time with the person he loves the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh after re-reading this chapter I noticed a couple of mistakes and the writing isn't very smooth.. I hope people like it anyway, when I have time I'll go through and correct the mistakes.


	6. Suffocation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reo long for time and contact with Akashi and Akashi feels trapped because of different circumstances. Unable to do anything about their situation, they both end up feeling suffocated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry for taking so long to update. I started university in August and I've just been so busy since then, but I finally managed to complete this chapter of over 4000 words. *wipes sweat* I kind of had a writers block as well, so it's not my best writing, but hope you like it :')

Reo couldn’t believe it was almost halloween and he’d completely forgotten. Due to everything that had happened this October, the month had just flown by and he barely noticed. Being so occupied with Akashi and their.. whatever it was, had really taken up all his thoughts. It wasn’t until Himuro asked if he was going to dress up for halloween that he suddenly realized how close the holiday was. Actually next week to be exact and the Jidai Matsuri in the upcoming weekend as well.

Neither events had even crossed his mind, which was unlike him, because Reo loved holidays and festival and any special occasions like that. He loved dressing up, decorating his home and to go out and have fun with friends or a date. This year though, he wasn’t really in the mood for any of that. Maybe because he had so much to think about, or because it came kind of sudden, but the truth was he knew the reason. It was because he wanted to go with Akashi and he probably couldn’t. But he was sure his friends would drag him to a halloween party or something either way. 

Akashi was pretty busy that week, having to leave quite early after their amazing night. He woke Reo up with a soft, tender kiss and gentle fingers stroking through his black hair, making his heart flutter. 

“Good morning, darling. Sorry, but I have to go to work.” He had murmured in that velvet voice and although Reo was really tired and a little disappointed, he hid it from his facial expression and smiled, wishing Akashi a good day. 

It was always a little lonely when Akashi left, leaving only his scent on the sheets and the feeling of his lips still present on Reo’s. It reminded him that they could never stay together. Not always. They could never live together and see each other morning and night every day. But he understood that Akashi’s life was complicated and he couldn’t blame him for that. 

After all, he was a busy man, running a company and also tending to his wife, but he still managed to squeeze room for Reo in his schedule. He was just glad he got to see Akashi at all. That’s just how things were, and he intended to make the best of it. 

As Reo was doing his hair in the mirror, getting ready to leave to his own job, he decided to make sure Akashi was having a good day. Taking his phone that had a cute case with cupcakes on, he texted his lover; 

“Remember to not work too much Sei-chan! (◠‿◠✿) It’s totally bad for you skin. Take care of yourself<3” 

Even if Akashi wasn’t having a bad day, Reo knew that he often worked and stressed himself out. He hoped it was okay to text him like this. Akashi could be very paranoid of people finding out about their relationship. He never showed any type of affection in public except for that one time and he always walked into another room if his wife called him. It was depressing at times but Reo understood. He just hoped the way he wrote in texts was okay and that Akashi wouldn’t get mad. 

He stared at the colorful cupcakes covering his phone, thinking that it had been a while since he baked something. Reo loved to bake and make sweets, but lately he just hadn’t been that into it. He remembered how much Akashi loved his strawberry cakes. It was kind of funny how his favorite flavor matched his hair. And he’s too stubborn to admit that he loves sweet things, always taking his coffee black and bitter when they were out. Stupid Sei-chan. 

With a soft sigh, Reo put on a jacket and pink scarf, and took his messenger bag before heading out. 

It was a pretty slow day and Reo didn’t have another customer scheduled until a while, so to kill time (and because he didn’t want to be productive), he was currently sitting in the backroom, going through facebook and instagram on his phone. He wasn’t usually lazy like this, he was actually a tidy and efficient person, but that day he just didn’t feel like doing anything. That, and he was anxiously waiting for Akashi to reply. And since the boss weren’t in, some of his co-workers were taking it easy as well. 

The “backroom” was what all the employers of the salon referred to for the small lounge or break area. The backroom didn’t actually have a door and was just an area behind a wall, connected to the desk. This way it was easy to keep track of the salon while on break if few people were working. 

The space was much less tidy and fashionable than the rest of the studio, but it wasn’t a complete mess either (Reo made sure of that). A counter lining one of the walls had a coffee machine, water boiler and microwave, and the cupboards above were stuffed with different kinds of tea and coffee and some crackers. In the middle of the room there was a couch and a coffee table scattered with magazines and different papers. 

Reo sank into the worn couch, sighing heavily. Akashi still hadn’t replied. Although he was probably busy with work. 

“It’s so slow today.. I almost prefer it when it’s packed.” One of his coworkers sighed as she slumped down in the couch next to him. 

“Careful what you wish for.” Reo warned her. Sure it was a little boring when it was slow, but when it was packed, it was so stressful. 

Momoi Satsuki was a sweet girl with long, pink hair that Reo got along with well. Out of his co workers, she was the one he was closest to. They chatted about fashion, gossip and boys and sometimes hung out outside of work as well. 

“So are you going to the matsuri Reo-nee?” She asked cheerfully, pulling her long hair up in a bun. 

“Hm. I think maybe I’ll watch the parade.” He answered, not sure if he would go alone or with friends. 

“Oh! Are you going with anyone special?~” 

Reo imagined going on a matsuri date with Akashi. Wearing yukatas, holding hands, eating candy apples and watching the parade together.. The thought made a warm feeling grow in his chest, but he shook the thought away. Akashi would never do that. 

“No, I don’t think so. I’ll probably just go alone or with friends.” 

“Eh but aren’t you dating someone new?” 

He almost choked at that, surprised that she picked up on it, since he had never mentioned Akashi in any way at work. This girl was too observant sometimes. But he was also curious to what she thought. Keeping his composure, he pretended like Momoi’s little deduction didn’t affect him, brushing some of his dark bangs to the side. 

“Why do you think that?” 

“Well you constantly check your phone and whenever you get a new text, you smile all cute and happy. You look really lovesick.” 

“Am I that obvious..?!” Reo’s eyes widened and she laughed.

“Kind of haha. But it’s cute!” 

Reo sighed deeply, sinking further down in the couch while Momoi giggled. He didn’t realized he was so lost in thought that every emotion displayed on his face whenever he was thinking about Akashi. 

“Okay so maybe I’m in a bit deep.” He admitted, to himself as well as her. 

“I knew it! So who is he? Is he cute?” Momoi immediately perked up, ready to hear all the juicy details. But Reo wasn’t sure how much he wanted to share. Akashi was somewhat of a public figure after all and Momoi was smart. If he revealed too much, she might guess who he was and that could be bad. 

Just then though, the bell over the front door chimed lightly, signaling someone entering who Reo guessed was his customer. 

“Ah, that must be my customer, excuse me~” 

Literally saved by the bell. 

Leaving Momoi in the backroom, he approached the man who was looking at some shampoo bottles with a slightly displeased look on his face. 

“Hyuuga Junpei-san?” Reo asked politely with his usual gentle smile. But the man’s displeased expression only seemed to deepen when he saw Reo. ‘Does he not like getting his hair cut?’ Reo thought, a bit puzzled and amused at the same time. ‘Ah, maybe his girlfriend is forcing him or something.’

“Uh, yeah, that’s me..” The guy mumbled reluctantly, but remained at the same spot, not taking off his jacket. He seemed young, about Reo’s age but he was a quite plain looking guy with brown hair in a usual short hairstyle and oval glasses. 

He also had a constant scowl, but Reo was of course sweet and polite like he always was, guiding the man to one of the chairs. 

“Right this way then, please~ Have a seat.” 

Reo went to get a cape, but the guy wouldn’t sit down and instead stared at the chair like it had just personally offended him. 

“Um.. Are you gonna cut my hair?” He asked, shifting his offended stare from the chair to Reo.

“That’s right.” He answered simply, but slightly confused. What does he mean? 

“Do you have any female hairdressers?” 

Reo was puzzled by the question although he probably shouldn’t have been surprised.   
‘So he doesn’t want a guy cutting his hair? Is it a homophobic thing?’ Whatever it was, he wasn’t just going to give in to someone this rude. 

“I’m sorry, but is there something wrong with me cutting your hair? I promise I’m just as skilled as my co workers.” He said in a sweet voice, still smiling. 

“Ugh but it’s just weird for a guy to be into hair and makeup and fashion and stuff. It’s fucking gay. Girls should do that stuff, not guys.” 

Wow, Reo was right on the money. He felt his blood beginning to boil. Seriously? The fact that someone was still so hung up in old fashioned outdated gender roles baffled him. It wasn’t like he couldn’t deal with some petty homophobia, but it was damn annoying when he had to hear it so often. 

But Reo kept his cool. He wasn’t the type to lose his temper easily. Instead he liked to tease people he was arguing with to annoy them, and that’s exactly what he intended to do. 

“Aw, and here I thought you seemed nice. I could give you fashion tips~ Unfortunately for you though, I’m the one who’s booked for your appointment, but I assure you I’m just as good as all the women here.”

He probably should have accommodated the customer’s demands and given him what he wants, but he just couldn’t let this go.  
“Don’t talk to me like you know me, it’s creepy as hell.” The guy barked, his scowl deepening. 

“But why leave all the fun to the girls?~” 

“That’s fucking gross.” 

‘Gross is it? Fine then, I’ll creep you out even more.’ Reo stared right back at him with the sweetest fake smile he could manage and spoke in an overly feminine voice. 

“Aw but I thought we had such great chemistry! And you’re cute too, just my type~” 

He wasn’t. But Reo loved to make homophobes feel uncomfortable, so he wanted to tease him. But this time, he almost regretted it. 

When he was about to put the cape around the man’s neck, he suddenly pushed him away forcefully, looking furious. 

“Don’t touch me, you disgusting shemale!” 

Reo was stunned, the blood in his veins going from boiling, to turning cold. This guy was legitimately angry. He wouldn’t say it scared him, but it hurt. Reo had heard and experienced much worse things, but he never got used to it. Just because he was different, he was called things like gross, disgusting, freak, a horrible person, more often than he should be. 

Over the years, he had developed thick skin, because it was necessary to survive, so it didn’t affect him as much as it used to, but it still stung. What was so disgusting about him? Just because he’s attracted to men? He could never understand why it was so wrong. And he was sick of people thinking that just because he was feminine and liked men, he wants to be a woman. Reo might be in touch with his feminine side, but he was a man and comfortable in his body. He had trans friends, and it was a whole different perspective if you actually knew what they were going through. 

It was probably just a couple of seconds, but it felt like forever that Reo stood there in shock, trying to think of something to say. He just couldn’t think of any of his usual sassy remarks, maybe because it took him off guard. 

The atmosphere in the whole place changed however when sharp heels clicked dangerously on the floor, the female presence demanding attention. Reo was in such a daze that he didn’t even notice until he looked up in the mirror that his boss had appeared behind him. Araki Masako was a relatively short woman, but her presence oozed authority. She owned and ran the salon and was extremely business oriented. She took no bullshit from anyone, employees or customers, but she was always fair. 

“What seems to be the problem?” She asked, glancing between Reo and the customer. Araki’s pantsuit made her look like a real business woman, but the contrast of her long, stylish hair and the high stilettos gave her a more high fashion look. But her posture and just her presence in general was intimidating. 

“I refuse to have my hair cut by a disgusting faggot.” The customer explained, firing another hole into Reo. He just had to add the f-word. 

Araki looked him up and down, her expression bored and uninterested, like he wasn’t even worth her time. 

“Sir, a lot of my employees are gay, so if your masculinity is so fragile you can’t even handle getting your hair cut by a gay man, I suggest you go find somewhere else. Good luck with that.” 

The man looked furious, like he wanted to scream or start a fight, but thankfully he just stormed out, yelling some more insults before slamming the door behind him. 

It was then Reo noticed that all eyes went to him. His boss and Momoi, who had come out from the back room when she heard the commotion were both staring at him, other co workers watching the scene in the background. Momoi looked extremely concerned, like she felt really bad for him. But Reo didn’t want pity, it just made him feel weak. 

“Are you alright?” She asked carefully and he put on a smile again, waving a hand dismissively. 

“Of course! I’m fine, don’t worry.” 

He refused to let this bother him. He was better than some petty homophobic person, and he didn’t want to seem weak. You had to be strong when you’re being judged every day. 

Araki however, bless her soul, patted him on the shoulder and didn’t look at him like he was a wounded animal, but as if though it wasn’t a big deal. 

“Don’t let people like that bother you Mibuchi, it’s not worth your time.” 

“I know. Thanks boss.” 

He continued working like nothing had happened, but the truth was.. it did affect him. Reo just felt lonely. Because few people he knew had any idea of what it was like. Momoi, Hayama and Nebuya didn’t know what it was like to be hated every day for who you are. To have strangers on the street yell insults and threaten you just for being different. 

He could talk to Himuro and Takao, but sometimes he wanted someone closer. Someone he could come home to and confide in and they would comfort him. Someone he could cry in front of without feeling insecure. 

But the person he loved didn’t reply. Most of the time he couldn’t be with him and Reo had to ignore the thought that in the moments he was missing him, he was with someone else. Sharing a bed with someone else, eating dinner with someone else, while he was alone.   
Reo cried when he got home that night and not even Takao or Himuro could understand how he felt. 

_____________________

Akashi still hadn’t replied to his texts by the time Reo got home, but he figured he must be drowning in work. He was the leader of a big company after all, of course he was busy. And sometimes he actually had to spend time with his wife too, so it wouldn’t be painfully obvious that he was having an affair. 

So he just figured he was busy. That was until two days had passed and he still hadn’t replied. 

“Sei-chan don’t ignore me~” 

He sent another text but still no answer. 

Then Reo was getting worried that he made him mad or something, so he tried to apologise. 

In the weekend he tried asking him to go with him to the festival. No answer. 

When the next week came around, he was worried that something had happened to Akashi. That someone found out, or he was in an accident.   
And eventually the dreadful feeling set in. That maybe Akashi was ignoring him on purpose. Maybe he was tired of him or wanted to end it. 

A heavy lump settled in Reo’s gut, feeling like a big stone that was pulling him down. Could it be true? What would he do if Akashi ended it now? The anxiety was killing him and not even talking it out with his friends would help him at this point. 

___________  
Akashi

-Thursday 20. october 09:00   
“Remember to not work too much Sei-chan! (◠‿◠✿) It’s totally bad for you skin. Take care of yourself<3”

-Thursday 20. october 13:04  
“I met a homophobic jerk at work today, real charming. Called me a ‘disgusting shemale’ haha. He wasn’t even cute.” 

-Friday 21. october 12:05  
“Sei-chan don’t ignore me~” 

-Friday 21. october 20:30  
“Are you mad at me? Is it because I’m using your nickname? I won’t do it anymore, I’m sorry.” 

-Saturday 22. october 10:14  
“Do you want to go to the Jidai Matsuri with me? Celebrating emperors, you should like that right?~” 

-Saturday 22. october 14:00  
“Come on Akashi, don’t you like traditional things?” 

\- Sunday 23. october 19:18  
“Okay I’m sorry if I’m annoying you.. Just please answer?” 

-Monday 24. october 12:15  
“Are you okay? Did she realize something?” 

-Monday 24. october 13:00  
“Did you have an accident? Oh god if you’re in the hospital please let me know!” 

-Tuesday 25. october 16:20  
“Please tell me you’re okay..”   
_______

“Seijuurou stop looking at your phone.” 

“...Yes father.” 

Akashi snapped his head up at the dinner table, the strict voice of his father tearing his attention away from the screen. A disapproving look from the intimidating man stared him down, his eyes always cold and piercing. The air around the table couldn’t get any colder, everyone eating in complete silence. 

Seijuurou clenched his fists under the table so hard that the nails digging into his palms were almost piercing the skin. All he wanted was to reply to Reo. To explain to him why he hadn’t answered, but with his father’s judging eyes, always watching, he couldn’t do as much as look at his phone without the man correcting his behavior. The man demanded his attention at all times and hated cell phones being used for anything other than business purposes. 

His dear father had come to stay at their house for a whole week out of the blue and with no warning. His wife may have bought the “wanting to spend time with family” excuse, but Seijuurou knew better. He knew that Akashi Masaomi would never visit to just catch up. Whatever it was, he had come to lecture his son, because he wasn’t living his life properly in the way Masaomi wanted. 

Seijuurou always felt weak in his father’s presence. Even though he claimed in his younger days “no one would stand in his way, not even his parents”, he had never spoken against his father. Not because he was scared, but because he felt like it was his duty to obey. Like it was his obligation to the family to do exactly as his father says. 

Obedience and loyalty had been hammered into him since he was a child. Do as you’re told and ask no questions. Behave and be the perfect son. That was his upbringing. And Seijuurou almost cracked, but he behaved for his mother. “Be good to your father.” She said before she died, and how could he ignore her dying wish? 

For Masaomi it was a matter of course. All young people should respect their elders, most of all their fathers. But Seijuurou felt more like an object that his father owned sometimes than his son. He had controlled his whole life. Even now, Seijuurou had little choices but to do what he was told. And in his upbringing, the family’s honor was the number one priority, so he followed orders. Married the girl his father wanted him to, led the company, worked hard, presented himself perfectly.. and for what? 

Seijuurou knew there must be a specific reason for his visit, because he would never come for just bonding time. And he soon learned his father’s motives, when one night, after his wife went to bed, they stayed up to “talk.” 

The house was uncomfortably quiet, the only sounds coming from outside or the big grandfather clock ticking steadily. They both had a scotch in hand, but Seijuurou couldn’t drink. 

“Why isn’t your wife pregnant yet?” Masaomi asked, straight to the point. 

‘There it is.’ 

Of course their precious family business needed an heir. The legacy must always move on, it was the most important thing of all. It didn’t matter if they were actually going to love the child, and care for it or not, as long as a proper heir was produced. 

Seijuurou remembered after his mother passed and he was always left to servants and five different tutors, each serving a different purpose of making him the best. His father called it “healthy structure”, but he had no idea how much it damaged his son. He was never loved, never shown the affection a young child need, never cared for in the way a parent should care. It tore Seijuurou’s emotions apart inside. Constantly in battle with himself, he was ripped in different directions until he split into two. 

He never wanted to do that to his own son or daughter. Even if he could get his wife pregnant, Seijuurou never wanted children. He was terrified of becoming his own father and ruining his child’s life. 

“I assure you, everything is fine.” He murmured to appease him, but everything was far from fine. Masaomi watched him with piercing eyes, his faded, mat hair contrasting the intensity in his face. 

“Are you sure?” He didn’t sound convinced. “Are you sure you’ve tried everything? You’ve been married for so long and she still isn’t pregnant. Maybe she should get checked by a doctor, I can make an appointment with the best in Kyoto.” 

He spoke so old fashioned as if they lived in old times where women were only useful as birthing machines to give their husbands sons and marriage was only for business. But Seijuurou knew that even if it were arranged, once upon a time, his father loved his mother, and she loved him. But after she died, he locked away all emotions to protect himself, because men are strong and don’t show emotions. 

Eventually, his heart had grown cold and hard, passing down that coldness to his son. The coldness and hardness that came out in Seijuurou when he needed to protect himself and couldn’t handle the pressure. 

He had long since merged with his other personality, but that part of him was still inside him. A cold and authoritative side of himself that only cared about victory and success, just like his father. He never that personality to take over again. 

“If she need a doctor I am sure she can manage the appointment herself father.” He replied to his comment, looking anywhere else in the room than at his father’s face, hating the look he was giving him. 

The man scoffed in dissatisfaction, but argued no further about doctor. 

“And you’re sure you’ve tried everything? Maybe you are not doing well enough Seijuurou.” 

Seijuurou tensed, his hands clenching into fists. A knot tied in his throat, pushing down the nauseating feeling in his stomach. Had he tried? Oh, he had definitely tried. And the more he the more he couldn’t do it. Because forcing yourself to do something that goes against your very being tears on you, like a wound eating you up from inside. 

In the beginning, he could manage if he just zoned out, but no matter how much he told himself that his wife was a beautiful woman, and she was, he simply was not attracted to her. Sometimes he could close his eyes and think about something else, ignoring her feminine shapes and scent and sounds, but it felt wrong. It was wrong to her, to himself, and to their marriage. 

He thought he could manage to live a lie. To spend his whole life screaming on the inside. After all, how hard could it be? Akashi was an expert in hiding his emotions and put a mask on the outside. But after meeting Reo again, everything changed. Because after realizing how good it could be, nothing could compare. 

When he was with Reo, he didn’t even think. His skin prickled with arousal, his hands feeling like they were on fire when he touched Reo’s smooth skin, his firm muscles, or his silky hair. Their lips melted together in perfect unison, like they were always meant to be together. Their bodies moved together in perfect synchronization, like they knew each other’s thoughts. 

Seijuurou’s whole being, body on soul burned with passion and emotion so much it ached whenever he was with Reo. It was like they became one and sometimes he wondered how something so amazing could be considered wrong. It never felt wrong to him, on the contrary, it felt so right and fated that it sometimes felt backwards that his relationship with Reo was seen as wrong by society, but his dysfunctional relationship with his wife was seen as right. 

“Father..” Steeling himself, he finally answered after the long silence. “I am telling you my love life is completely fine, so please stop worrying.” It was a complete lie, but Seijuurou was always a good liar. 

Masaomi scoffed once more, but fortunately dropped the topic after that. 

Seijuurou couldn’t sleep that night. At least not in the same bed as his wife, but he couldn’t take couch or one of the guestrooms when his father already reprimanded him for not putting an effort into his marriage. All he wanted to do was to take the car and go to Reo, but he couldn’t. With his father there, he couldn’t think of any acceptable excuses. Not even urgent matters at work was good enough for Masaomi. And he wasn’t even sure Reo would see him after no contact for over a week. 

He was trapped. Seijuurou’s biggest regret in life was his inability to stand up to his father. It was his greatest weakness and now it might have cost him the love of his life. He just hoped that Reo would somehow forgive him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Reo's jerk customer is Hyuuga, cause he's a homophobic shit in the manga. (fight me)  
> I didn't know if his coworker should be a random oc or not, but I ended up choosing Momoi, because I can see them as being friends if they met? And his boss is Yosen's coach because she's badass and I don't see her in nearly enough fics that she deserves.


	7. Patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tell me something I need to know  
> Then take my breath and never let it go  
> If you just let me invade your space  
> I’ll take this pleasure and take it with the pain
> 
> Cause if you want to keep me, you gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, got to love me harder  
> And if you really need me, you gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, got to love me harder
> 
> Love Me Harder- Ariana Grande ft. The Weekend   
> (for some reason the links won't work so here is the html until I'm able to fix it) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONJTmycYUjQ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been like 84 years, but please forgive me! Life can be hard as a student ;v;
> 
> It feels a bit weird to write about november when it's summer irl, but I hope it's okay. Anyway please enjoy the chapter and as always I will try to write the next ones faster!

Reo loved halloween, but this had been the worst one yet. His friends had dragged him to a party in hopes of cheering him up, but he just couldn’t enjoy himself. His mind was too occupied with other things. They were in a pretty big club, with a DJ shouting cheesy halloween-themed puns out to the crowd. Reo watched all the people in different costumes dance and drink and mingle, but he felt strangely out of place. Normally he loved parties, but his mood was not in the right place. His laughter was fake, his smalltalk forced, and he only drank to numb his thoughts. 

For a little over two weeks, Reo had heard nothing from Akashi. No text, no call, nothing. It was breaking him a little more each day, because the more days that went by, the more Reo believed that Akashi had given up on him. The whole.. thing that had been going on between them felt like it was just a dream. A fleeting dream where everything was wonderful, but soon, he would wake up and have to go back to reality and it would be like nothing ever happened. 

What would he do if it really was over? It took him years to get over Akashi when they broke up the first time. Actually, he wasn’t sure if he ever got completely over him at all. He always carried that abandonment in his heart, and none of his relationships had been that serious after Akashi. To experience that a second time.. he wasn’t sure if he was strong enough.

Although maybe it was too soon to expect the worst. He refused to give up, still clinging to the hope that this wasn’t the end. Something actually might have happened to Akashi after all. Reo told himself that Akashi wouldn’t just ignore him like that on purpose. He must have a good reason, especially when it went on for this long. Still, there were so many emotions fighting inside of him. Worry, anger, sadness, fear.. A thousand scenarios played out in his head of why Akashi wasn’t talking to him. It was so many thoughts that he didn’t know what to do with them all, which was partly why he agreed to go to the halloween party. Maybe he could get a nice distraction and forget about everything for a while. At least the sweet buzz of the alcohol gave him a break from his thoughts.

That plan didn’t go exactly like he had anticipated however. Dressed as Morticia Adams, everyone kept asking him “Where’s your Gomez?” Like they just assumed it was a pair costume. Reo’s head felt hot and tight under the wig. The throbbing music and pulsing lights was giving him a headache. The corset was suffocating him and his feet hurt in the high heels. Nothing was fun. He didn’t dance or mingle or really do much of anything, so he ended up going home early. 

The building was quiet, when he got home. Most people had probably gone to sleep since it was pretty late at night, maybe some night owls were still out partying. He was struggling to carry his coat, bag and heels all at once, while at the same time trying to get his keys out. Reo grumbled to himself when he stepped out of the elevator to his floor. Of course the damn keys was at the very bottom of his bag, along with a thousand other things he always brought with him. 

Finally, he fished them out triumphantly, but the moment his gaze lifted, he dropped the keys to the floor. After two weeks of no word, and here he was.. Akashi was standing in front of his apartment door, with a bouquet of flowers in his hands and a big bag behind him on the floor. Reo just stood there staring at him like an idiot, the shock not fully registering in his brain yet. It was too bizarre to be real. He wanted to be angry or sad, to scream at him or cry and demand an explanation, or just kick him out. And yet, all he felt was relief. An overwhelming feeling of warmth and emotions flooded over him over the fact that finally he was with Akashi again. Even if he was here to end it, at least he could see him one last time. And instead of doing any of the things he wanted to, that his mind told him was the right thing, he dropped everything he was holding and ran to him. 

Tears overflooded his eyes when he finally felt those protecting arms around him, and inhaled the familiar scent. They both fell to the floor at the impact of how fast Reo has tackled him and Akashi squeezed him so hard that it almost hurt, but he couldn’t care less in that moment. He was in a temporary moment of ecstasy, surrounded by the feeling he had longed for, and the two weeks of absence felt like years. 

“I’m sorry.” The velvet voice he had missed so much it hurt murmured to him, and Reo was surprised when it sounded like he was choking on his words. 

“I’m sorry darling. I’m so sorry..” 

Reo had a million questions, but he didn’t know where to start. He didn’t even know what to say, feeling like his own voice would break if he attempted to speak. Their bodies fit so perfectly together, like two statues molded into one. He couldn’t tell how long they sat on the floor. It felt like forever, but regaining some of his senses, Reo decided they could at least move inside. Grabbing his keys and all the things he had dropped, he laughed breathlessly when he remembered that he was still in his halloween costume. 

“Let’s go inside.” He announced, struggling a bit to calm the shaking of his hands enough to unlock his door. 

A certain nervousness washed over him when he closed the door to his apartment behind them and realized that there actually was a possibility that Akashi was here to end things. And here he was in a tight dress, his hair looking a mess from being stuffed under a wig all night, and his makeup probably smudged. 

“It’s a bit embarrassing that you saw me like this haha..” 

“No, you look beautiful.” Akashi looked straight into his eyes as he spoke the words with earnest, and there was nothing Reo could do to stop more tears from spilling. 

Why was he always like this? Why did he always say things that made his heart flutter and ache at the same time. Reo’s deep green eyes shifted to the floor when his chest suddenly tightened painfully. It still hurt that Akashi had ignored him for so long and the fear was creeping in on him now that he had recovered from the initial happiness. He was so scared that he would get hurt again, that the same thing would repeat itself from college and the love of his life would leave him with no explanation and his heart would break all over again. 

“Why are you here Sei-chan?” He had to swallow the lump in his throat several times before he was able to speak. 

“Reo..” The tone in Akashi’s voice sounded desperate. Desperate to make him listen. 

“I wanted to explain why I didn’t answer. Will you please let me?” 

Reo had been dying to hear an explanation, so of course he couldn’t say no. He just sighed with a nod and gestured for them to sit on the couch. 

Akashi seemed a lot less scared and upset than Reo, but he was quiet. He just sat completely still on the couch for a moment as if thinking carefully about what to say. His expression seemed almost pained and for a moment Reo had the urge to comfort him, but he needed to hear his story first.

“I know it’s not an excuse..” He began. “..But my father came to stay at our house unannounced for over a week. He hates cell phones and demanded my attention at all times. And frankly.. I was scared that he would see it somehow if I wrote to you. I know that I should have just explained to you that I was busy or couldn’t talk.. But after my father left I didn’t know what to say anymore. I was afraid that you wouldn’t forgive me or that you would be angry.. And I wanted to apologise in person because putting all the words in a text message would seem insufficient.” 

For Akashi to admit he was scared was pretty rare. In a way, Reo understood his situation. To be stuck in a house for over a week with his wife and father, the very people he was hiding from, must have been hard. Reo had met his father once, and his first impression was that he was a terrifying, manipulative and horrible father. Then he thought of something… Akashi had already been there when he got home, but he had never told him he was coming. 

“Sei-chan, how long did you wait outside my apartment?” 

“About three hours I think.”

“Sei-chan!” Reo was shocked that he would do something so irrational. “You should have called!” 

“I couldn’t Reo. I couldn’t speak to you so suddenly after what I did without facing you. I didn’t know where you were and I don’t have the number of any of your friends to ask them.” 

“Oh Sei-chan..” He sighed, not really sure what to say. 

“I got you these.” Akashi held up the bouquet of flowers.* “Although I feel some reservations for giving you such a superficial gift now.” 

They were many smaller blue flowers in clusters and they smelled amazing. Reo smiled softly as he took the flowers, the tears now drying on his cheeks. 

“Oh you know me. I always love some good old fashioned romance.” 

They both fell quiet for several seconds, scared to say more and break the comfort of silence to have their questions answered, until Akashi spoke again, his voice careful and measured. 

“So.. Will you please forgive me?” 

Reo stared into the special, contrasting eyes he loved so much and he knew that he couldn’t resist even if he wanted to. He had already fallen too deep. 

“Yes. Of course I do. But Sei-chan.. Please try to understand what it’s like for me as well. I know you have it hard, but it’s hard for me too. Every day I’m scared that you will get tired of me, or that it’s not serious for you, or that I’m not good enough. And you can go back to your wife if you want, but I have no one.. And you’re all I want Sei-chan.” 

Akashi hugged him then, firmly and protective and it felt like he was trying to squeeze all the bad feelings out of him. 

“I know. I didn’t want it to seem like I don’t care about your situation. But I’ll be more considerate from now on. And I promise I’ll fix everything Reo.” 

Akashi’s eyes met his own and he saw so much emotion and determination. And he believed him. Because he had to believe him to have any hope for the future. So he surrendered to Akashi’s mercy once more. Leaning his head on the man’s chest, comforting arms wrapped around him and Reo couldn’t be mad at him when nothing else felt this comfortable. 

“I’ll fix it.” Akashi repeated in a whisper, and he was unsure if the promise was more to Reo or to himself.  
____

Gray clouds were hanging over the city one morning, thick and dark, threatening to spill rain at any time. The few leafs still clinging to the mostly-bare trees rattled in the chilly wind. It was already November and the weather felt like it was getting colder each day. November was Reo’s least favorite month of the year. Nothing happened in that month, there were no holidays or special occasions. An uneventful period of work or school right between halloween and christmas. It was also cold, but it rarely snowed. Instead you were stuck with a cold, gray weather of wind and rain. Now, Reo liked rain sometimes, just not too much of it, but he hated the wind. 

It was raining the day he was going to meet Himuro at a cafe. He had spent so much time with Takao lately that he almost felt bad for neglecting his other best friend. The milk and coffee mixture of his cappuccino sloshed around as Reo absentmindedly swirled the cup. When a small drop spilled out, he looked down as it hit his hand, just like the raindrops hitting the window. 

A ding signaling a text message awoke his phone, lighting up the screen and the vibrations resonating in the table almost startled him a bit. Picking up the device covered with cute cupcakes, a smile spread over Reo’s face when he read the message. It was from Akashi. 

-Friday 10. november (15:03) From: Sei-chan~  
“How is your day going?” 

Since they talked on Halloween, Akashi had actually started texting him a lot more often. Maybe he felt bad for when he ignored him for so long and wanted to make up for it, but Reo didn’t mind the reason, he was happy whenever Akashi texted him. 

-Friday 10. november (15:03) To: Sei-chan~  
“Good so far! I’m meeting up with Tatsu-chan today~ What about you?” 

-Friday 10. november (15:04) From: Sei-chan~  
“Tatsu-chan.. Himuro Tatsuya? My day is going fine. I have a lot of work, but I will have time to meet you later tonight if you want.”

-Friday 10. november (15:05) To: Sei-chan~  
“You got it~ And of course I want to! Just text me when you finish work<3” 

“What are you smiling for?” 

Reo’s head snapped up at the sound of the voice, and he was met by gentle smile and a curiously raised eyebrow from Himuro. 

“You startled me Tatsu-chan!” Reo said, ignoring his question and stood up to greet him with a hug. 

“It looked like you got some really good news.” Himuro said when they both sat down at the table. “Was it that guy you’ve been seeing?”

He didn’t have the teasing smirk that Takao always had, but the look in his eyes (or eye singular, since one was constantly hidden by his bangs) told Reo that he knew exactly what was going on. Of course since he told Takao he’d been seeing someone, he had to tell his other best friend as well. He left out the name and the fact that he was married though. And when Himuro asked him who he was texting, he couldn’t resist smiling like a lovesick teenager. 

“As a matter of fact, yes.” He stated. “We’re meeting up later tonight~”

Himuro watched him calmly for a moment as if regarding him and Reo couldn’t really read his facial expression. He was always a kind of quiet and mysterious. 

“Hm..” Himuro hummed, the one visible eye still watching him. “I’m happy for you Reo-nee, but just be careful okay?” 

Reo frowned at him, his full lips forming a small pout. 

“Jeez just let me be happy will you?” 

“I just don’t want you to get hurt.” He replied. 

“Yes yes, I get it.” 

Although Reo was usually the “mother” of his friends, he wasn’t always that good at taking advice. Even if he knew people were only trying to help, he often felt like they were patronizing him instead and ended up answering sarcastically. 

It was fun to chat and catch up with each other and they both told stories from work and other happenings. Himuro worked as a makeup artist and Reo was secretly a bit jealous that he got to be more in the fashion scene than he was, but he never said anything. He was happy for his friend and he wasn’t so jealous that he wished him misfortune just because he had the job Reo wanted. They chatted about different things, the topic eventually leading into their jobs, when Himuro suddenly remembered something. 

“Oh by the way!” He said in the middle of sipping his macchiato. “I almost forgot to tell you. I’m working on a project for a runway show now and some of the hairstylists suddenly bailed last minute, so they need extras and I suggested you. Are you interested?” 

“What?!” Reo immediately lit up with so much excitement he had to stop himself from rising from his chair. “Of course! I’d love to.” 

“Great.” Himuro chuckled at his friend’s enthusiasm. “I’ll tell them you’re in.” 

Reo was overjoyed. Finally he got to work in a fashion project instead of a salon. Not that he didn’t enjoy his job, he liked it there, but sometimes it lacked some excitement. 

“Thank you so much Tatsu-chan!” He expressed his gratitude with a hug and a kiss on his cheek and Himuro laughed softly, patting his arm. When Reo had calmed down a bit, he explained all the details of the job and Reo noted everything down in his phone. He sure as hell wasn’t going to mess this up. 

___

Reo was so excited to be working on the runway project. When Himuro told the people in charge that he was interested, he got hired right away and had to get to locations the very next day for rehearsal. The models were a mix of men and women and the look they were going for weren’t too complicated. It was a sort of messy “rockstar” look with smokey eyes for makeup, although Reo only worked with hair. 

That day were the final dress rehearsal with full styling and everything. He did most of the models’ hair pretty quickly, which meant he had better time for the last ones and didn’t have to rush. While he was working on a blond man in his twenties (or so it looked like), the guy kept looking at his phone and didn’t seem pleased. He kept sighing and clicking his tongue like he was annoyed or upset. 

Reo, weak for some juicy gossip as he was couldn’t help giving the model’s phone a quick glance. He was texting someone nicknamed ‘Aominecchi’ and from the blond’s reaction they must be arguing or something. He figured it was probably a boyfriend since people usually didn’t give such a cute nickname to “normal” friends. But then again, Reo used “chan” for almost all his friends, so he couldn’t really talk. Nevertheless, he was curious. 

“Relationship trouble?~” He asked curiously while teasing the roots of his hair. 

“Ugh I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘relationship’.” The model muttered, finally looking away from his phone and into the mirror. He seemed more than happy to get a chance to talk about his situation though, because he dove right into it. 

“This guy I’m seeing is all ‘I don’t like labels’ and ‘I don’t wanna define anything’ which like.. I get, but it feels more like he has commitment issues than anything. Also I’m the only guy he’s been with so he’s having a whole gay crisis.” 

“Hm..” Reo thought about it for a moment. “Sorry, I don’t think I caught your name by the way. I’m Mibuchi Reo, but just Reo is fine.” 

“Nice to meet you! I’m Kise Ryouta.” He introduced himself back. 

“Well Kise-kun, if he’s only been with women before, it doesn’t mean he’s gay though. He could be bi or pan or something.” 

“That’s what I said!” Kise exclaimed, looking at Reo in the mirror. 

“I’m even bi myself! But he’s kind of old fashioned and hasn’t really realized yet that there are more options than just gay and straight.” 

Reo rolled his eyes, shaping Kise’s bright hair with some wax.

“Honey please, it’s the 20th century. Get over it already.” 

“I know right?!” Kise seemed to be getting more and more excited, practically jumping out of his chair and Reo actually had to ask him to sit still, to which he apologised. He kind of reminded him of an over excited golden retriever. 

“But anyway, how would you describe your relationship right now?” 

“I don’t even know..” The poor guy sighed defeated. “I guess friends with benefits? But I have feelings for him and he knows it, yet he hasn’t given me a response..” 

“Well if he hasn’t rejected you, that’s a good sign though. But.. do you love him? Or is it just a crush? Because trust me, I know all about complicated relationships, so if you don’t feel like it’s worth it, it’s going to be incredibly hard to wait for him.” 

Kise looked away from their reflection for a moment, his golden eyes going from excited to thoughtful. 

“I.. think so.” He mumbled, but seemed a bit uncomfortable staying on the subject, which Reo thought was fair. If he hadn’t completely worked out his own feelings, it wasn’t easy to talk about it with someone he just met after all. 

“What kind of complicated relationship are you in Mibuchi-kun?” He turned the question over on him. 

“Reo.” He corrected him immediately. 

“Oh, sorry.. Reo.” 

Reo sighed to himself, finishing the hairstyle with a good amount of hairspray. Maybe he would judge him, but at least Kise didn’t know who Akashi was, so he could tell him without fear of exposing Akashi. He was used to being judged, so it wouldn’t affect him much if he did. 

“Well I’m seeing someone too.. but the problem is he’s married. And he says he loves me and of course I believe him because he does so many things for me, but.. Because of different, complicated reasons, I don’t think he’s going to leave his wife anytime soon.” 

“Oh..” Kise got quiet then, emitting a silent sympathy. 

“Do you love him?” He asked looking back to him in the mirror. 

Reo couldn’t help a small smile, despite the painful feelings coming up. Because the answer was so obvious to him by now. It got harder and harder to lie about it, since he just wanted to scream to the world that he was so in love with Akashi Seijuurou. 

“Yeah. I really do.” He answered. “I’m so in love with him.” 

Kise smiled as well, his eyes watching Reo with a warm look. But since Reo had finished with his hair, he had to move on to the other models. He gave him the last finishing touches and then Kise got up from the chair. 

“Alright, go get’em.” He said, lightly tapping Kise’s shoulder. 

He was actually really good looking. That was of course normal for a model, but with the messy hair and dark clothes, he looked dangerously hot and the smokey eye makeup made Kise’s hazel eye look so bright they almost seemed yellow. If Reo wasn’t already involved with someone, he totally would have flirted with him. But despite the somewhat dangerous look, Kise actually seemed to be a real sweetie. 

“You seem really nice Reo-kun! Maybe we could hang out sometime?” 

“Sure~” He replied happily. “Let me give you my number.” 

After typing his number into Kise’s phone, the model were shooed away by someone in the crew and Reo started working on a new model. The fashion show was a success. They stayed on schedule and the designer seemed pleased. No models tripped and the hair and makeup stayed like it was supposed to. Reo was pretty proud of himself to finally get to work on a more fashion related project and couldn’t wait for the finale. 

Reo actually did meet up with Kise pretty soon after that. As it turns out, Kise was really talkative, so they kept texting a lot after the fashion event and decided to go out somewhere only three days later. They met at a bar and although night clubs were more Reo’s thing, it was nice that they were able to talk earlier in the evening, since it was quieter then, so they didn’t have to scream over loud music and noise. 

Of course Kise made quite an entrance when he arrived with the presence of a thousand suns, his blond hair and designer clothes turning all the heads in the room. The fact that he was super loud didn’t lessen the attention on him either. 

“Reo-kun!” He immediately shouted when he spotted him, waving as if they were standing on either side of a river or something. 

Reo didn’t mind attention himself, but he didn’t like when people were loud or lacked manners, so he just nodded at his newly acquired friend. 

“You’re almost as loud as Kou-chan.” He muttered with a sigh when Kise came to sit with him. 

“Kou-chan?” He questioned, tilting his head to the side. 

“Just a friend of mine.” Reo waved a hand dismissively to say ‘don’t mind that’. 

“Soo…” Reo said in a teasing voice, leaning towards Kise. “How are things going with your Aominecchi?” 

Immediately, Kise seemed to get flustered, looking away with a shy blush. “Oh. Uh.. I don’t know..” He mumbled, all cute and in love, but then he did a double take. “Wait. How do you know I call him Aominecchi?!” 

“I sneaked a peak at your phone, sorry!~” Reo laughed. 

“Mibuchi-kun that’s rude!” 

“Reo.” He corrected him and Kise’s playful pout suddenly turned into curiosity. 

“Why do you do that?” 

“Do what?”

“Always correct me when I say your last name?” 

Oh.. Were they really going there so soon? Reo sighed softly and stared into his drink. He kind of wanted to brush it off and talk about something else, but was there really a point in hiding his past? Kise would find out sooner or later anyway if they stayed friend, so they might as well get the awkward stuff out of the way. ‘Screw it.’ He thought. ‘If he wants to know, I’ll just tell him.’

“Because I hate my family name.” 

Kise looked a bit surprised, but his eyes were still full of curiosity. He took a sip from his drink and after a moment of silence, asked gently, 

“Can I ask why?” 

Reo just looked at him with a smile and shrugged. He didn’t really mind talking about it. Sometimes it was annoying to explain, but he knew Kise genuinely didn’t mean any harm by asking. 

“Because I hate my family.” His companion’s hazel eyes widened in slight shock. He probably came from a normal suburban family with no issues. But then again who was he to judge Kise’s background without even knowing him. 

“Woah.. Are they really that bad?” 

“Okay, you wanna hear my sob story? I’ll tell you.” Reo sighed. Kise, bless him, tried really hard to be polite and respectful, but Reo could tell that he was basically vibrating with curiosity. 

“So I found out I was gay when I was like I don’t know, twelve? At a really early age anyway. My parents were pretty normal. My dad worked in a company and my mom were a housewife, a standard Japanese family, but apart from that they weren’t extremely traditional or anything. I wasn’t very close with my parents growing up. Not that they were mean or anything, but we just didn’t really talk about personal stuff. Anyway, I was in the closet for a long time, but when I was thirteen, I finally decided to tell them, and it didn’t go well. My mom got pissed and told me it was my responsibility to the family to get married to a nice girl and my dad said I was a disappointment, so, well.. they kicked me out. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, but I at least thought they loved me enough to let me stay in their house.” He was only thirteen for fucksake.

As to be expected, Kise had now gone quiet and was staring into the bar counter. Reo didn’t really like telling people his story, because he didn’t want pity, but at the same time he was used to this kind of reaction. 

“Fuck..” Kise muttered. “That’s harsh. Where did you go when they kicked you out though?” 

“Thankfully, my aunt took me in. My mom’s sister, she’s amazing. Not surprisingly, my parents weren’t on good terms with her after that. They never talked to me again either. I even tried contacting them, but.. nothing. So yeah.. that’s why I don’t want to be associated with my family name.” 

“You couldn’t take your aunt’s name?” 

“It wasn’t that easy because she would have to adopt me for it to be legal, but the adoption wouldn’t go through because she was single and divorced at that.* But I still consider her more of a mom to me than my real mother ever was. If I ever get a partner, I’m definitely gonna take his name.” 

“I hadn’t thought about that..” Kise murmured thoughtfully. 

Since same sex marriage is illegal in Japan, gay people usually keep their childhood family name their whole life, but lately some cities was beginning to allow same sex partnerships that allowed some of the benefits. It still wasn’t the same as marriage, but it was a start, and Reo would take someone else’s name in a heartbeat. 

“You’re so lucky you’re bi, you can still marry a girl.” Reo sighed, sipping more of his drink. 

He didn’t expect the look of hurt on Kise’s face as his eyebrows pulled together in frustration. His hand seemed to clench a little harder around the glass and he muttered, 

“That doesn’t mean I can choose who I fall in love with..” 

He was right of course. Reo should know better than any that you can’t choose who you fall in love with. Even if Kise liked girls, he couldn’t simply choose to fall in love with whoever he wanted. Feeling a bit bad, Reo hung his head, staring into the almost empty drink in his hands. 

“You’re right.. I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” Kise smiled and Reo was glad the hurt didn’t seem permanent. Thankfully and the mood seemed to lift after that. 

“Aah why are we talking about depressing stuff! We came here to have fun right?” Kise pointed out and Reo chuckled in agreement.

“Right!” 

The rest of the evening they chatted about different things and pointed out which guys in the bar they thought were cute. Kise seemed to like the more manlier types, men who looked like they would throw you up against a wall and make you scream his name. Reo could go for different types of guys, but he usually liked gentlemen. Kind guys with manners and who weren’t loud and obnoxious. As a general rule, he hated fuckboys. 

Eventually their topic of conversation turned back to their crushes and they both talked about what they liked about Akashi and Aomine (as hea learned was the name of Kise’s crush). The way Kise’s eyes sparkled and how his face seemed to glow when he talked about Aomine made it obvious that he was really smitten with him. Reo genuinely hoped things worked out for them, but from what he heard, it seemed like Aomine weren’t completely ‘out’ yet. Or that he wasn’t secure enough with himself to commit. At any rate, they had some things they needed to work out. But boy did Reo had things to work out in his love life too. 

Hearing about Aomine’s insecurities made him wonder what Akashi thought of himself. Was he ashamed? Was he comfortable with himself, but scared of what his family would think? Reo wished he could stand up to Akashi’s family and give them a piece of his mind, but that would only ever happen in his fantasies. He knew he would probably only make things worse and they were also one of the most powerful families in Japan that could ruin his life if they got pissed off enough. 

Sighing softly over his thoughts, he asked his friend, 

“Kise.. Do you think it’s worth it?” 

“What?” 

“I mean we’re both in pretty weird situations. Do you think it’s worth chasing after someone you love?” 

“Well yeah.. As long as you don’t compromise your own happiness.” 

‘As long as you don’t compromise your own happiness.’ 

Those words stuck in Reo’s mind life a lifeline that would save him from drowning. They resonated within him more than anything that had been spoken between them that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The flowers Akashi gave Reo are hyacinth which in the flower language can mean constancy and sincerity, but also to ask for forgiveness. 
> 
> *Changing your surname in Japan is complicated because their registration system Koseki requiers all individuals of a household to have one surname, and are almost always under the male "head" of the family. (For some reason the links won't work so here is the html until I'm able to fix it) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Koseki


	8. Drifting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akashi is trying his best, but he is working through some things. And Reo is trying to stay patient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies!  
> I've started school again, so yet again I've been (and am going to be) quite busy, but I'll try not to come with too many excuses. Anyway, here's a new chapter! I was pretty happy with it, so I hope you like it~

“Sei-chan where are you taking me?” Reo asked. 

Akashi’s expensive car was impeccably clean and it still smelled new. The buildings gradually turned into trees as they drove further and further away from the city center. 

“I told you, it’s a surprise.” Akashi replied, a gentle smile resting on his elegant features. 

Reo smiled as well and looked out the window. November had rolled in like ocean mist, the cold slowly creeping in. The days were becoming darker, and almost all the leafs on the trees were gone, but those who still kept some were in bright fall colors. 

Suddenly Reo gasped lightly when he noticed the nature outside. All around them, big trees were emerging with leafs in a spectacular display of colors. It was so beautiful that he couldn’t stop staring. It felt like they were driving into a fairytale land, far away from the concrete buildings of the city. 

Eventually the car stopped and when they stepped out, Reo felt like he stepped into another world. They were in front of a big gate in traditional Japanese style. It was the entrance to temple grounds, almost like a park and big trees and traditional buildings could be spotted from where they were standing. 

“Wow! Sei-chan this is beautiful!” 

“I hoped you would like it.” Akashi chuckled next to him. 

“This is Tofuku-ji Temple.” He informed. “Kyoto has many beautiful temples, but this is one of my favorites.” 

They walked together through the gate and into a wonderful landscape. The vibrant autumn colors varied from deep red, to bright orange and yellow. Pale sun rays shone through the leafs, shimmering on the road in front of them as they strolled slowly. The temple was huge, but Reo didn’t think he would ever get tired of walking there in the beautiful Japanese gardens and the fact that he was there with Akashi was even better. 

The wind was a little cold when it rustled Reo’s long hair, but then he felt Akashi take his hand and his cheeks heated up. Akashi usually didn’t like to show affection or intimacy in public places, but here they were- two adult men, holding hands with tourists all around them. He almost felt embarrassed over how happy it made him. He squeezed Akashi’s hand as an attempt to show him how much it meant to him and when Akashi squeezed back, he knew that he understood. 

Reo wished they could stay there forever and not think about the problems of daily life. But even the beautiful autumn leaves would fall eventually. 

“It’s kind of weird how something that is dying can be so beautiful.” He said, looking up at the trees. 

Akashi followed his eyes. A gust of wind blew through the trees and few leaves slowly sailed to the ground. 

“It almost seems like they are giving a last burst of life before their death.” Akashi replied. “But death can be quite beautiful.” 

“What?” 

It felt like an odd thing to say. How is death beautiful? It only brings destruction and sorrow. 

“Well, the only thing certain in life is that death is inevitable. All things must come to an end, and sometimes they are reborn. The leafs die every fall, but are reborn in the spring. The snow melts, but comes again next winter.” 

“Sei-chan you’re scaring me a little.. Why are you talking about death?”

“What I’m trying to say is that death isn’t only something horrible. It is necessary for the circle of life to go on. Sometimes it can even be a mercy. Say when an animal is sick or injured and can’t continue a normal life, do you think it would be better for it to die quickly or suffer for a long time? And when something decays, it eventually becomes earth, which nurture plants and insects.” 

Reo had never thought about any of this before, but he could see Akashi’s point. Yet it made him a bit uneasy that he talked so much about death.. Maybe it was his motherly instinct kicking in, but he automatically associated the topic to Akashi and he didn’t even want to imagine Akashi dying. 

“I guess you’re right.” He admitted. “But it’s different for people, because they leave loved ones behind.”

“That’s true.” Akashi murmured. His face looked solemn and Reo wondered what he was thinking about. 

Although the topic was somewhat depressing, it felt nice to walk together like this. Eventually they fell into comfortable silence while they walked slowly and it was a peaceful atmosphere. He wished they could be like this more often. Of course Akashi had put a remarkable effort into progressing their relationship, but they had to take baby steps. Still, every step helped Akashi to become more open. And every affectionate gesture made Reo feel more loved.

“Sei-chan?” He spoke softly after a while of walking quietly. “Do you think I can visit you at your house sometime?” 

He knew it was a leap, but he had been so curious to see his house for such a long time now. He watched as Akashi’s eyebrows pulled together in concern and his eyes looked conflicted. 

“I’m sorry Reo..” He murmured and Reo’s face fell. “It’s a little difficult right now. But I will try to make it work.” 

Reo sighed, a little disappointed, although he understood. 

‘As long as you don’t compromise your own happiness.’

Kise’s words were stuck in his head, playing over and over. Was Reo compromising his own happiness? He loved Akashi and was happy when they were together, but it also took a great effort. Keeping everything secret could be exhausting sometimes. He couldn’t even tell his best friends everything, at the risk of exposing Akashi. Was it worth it? Yes, he absolutely believed the good parts outweighed the bad. Yet he didn’t feel like he could fully live like himself. When you live your life hiding, it tears on you. It slowly dims your light until there are only darkness. 

Yet, he endured. He had to deal with it for Akashi’s sake. Reo just wanted Akashi to be happy, yet sometimes he needed to think of his own happiness as well.. Takao often told him that he needed to be more selfish sometimes, because Reo often cared more about others than himself. But it wasn’t like he was miserable or anything. It wasn’t that bad. It could always be worse, so he would survive. And he loved Akashi more than anything. More than himself.

“Never mind Sei-chan. It’s not a big deal.” He eventually resolved, trying to give him a reassuring smile. 

But then Akashi’s eyes darted around them, and suddenly, to Reo’s surprise, warm hands cupped his face and he was pulled into a kiss. It was brief, yet firm, but it was enough to leave Reo’s mind spinning. 

He still clearly remembered the last time Akashi kissed him in a public space, so full of need. But this was no dark back-alley in the night, this was a busy tourist spot in mid-daylight. Akashi must really be desperate to show him how much he cared. 

But watching his face, the strong-willed man who always kept his cool looked worried. Why was he worried? Was he worried that Reo would get upset from his reply? 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered and the slight tremor in his voice broke Reo’s heart. “Of course you can come to my house.” 

He almost couldn’t believe what he just heard. Akashi was trying so hard to make Reo happy, but he could tell he was scared. Was it selfish of him to ask? He almost wanted to tell his lover to forget about the whole thing, but at the same time he really wanted to see Akashi’s house. 

When he didn’t answer right away, Akashi’s mismatched eyes suddenly looked panic-stricken, probably thinking that he had done something wrong, so Reo took his hands and squeezed them lightly. His head was still slightly dizzy from the kiss and his heart felt feather light in his chest. 

“Thank you Sei-chan.” He said, giving him a reassuring smile and Akashi’s face lit up in a blinding smile. 

He didn’t think he had ever seen the man go through so many emotions in such a short time, but he looked so beautiful in that moment, it took Reo’s breath away. The background of colourful leaves complimented his red hair and made accentuated his eyes. His face simply radiated of delight and once again Reo fell more in love with him. How could he not when this man was opening up his heart and showing all his vulnerable sides to him. It reminded Reo that every day Akashi faced his fears for him. Even though he was trying so hard to hide the fact that he had any fears at all. 

___

Akashi’s house was, as expected, huge and very high class. To call it a house might even be an understatement, it was more like a mansion. The driveway was like a small roundabout with a statue in the middle and the front door was as tall as two floors in Reo’s apartment building. The fancy alarm system even had voice-recognition and a small camera that showed the guest’s face. 

Reo almost felt uncomfortable being in such a big and expensive place, but he tried not to think much about it. This was Sei-chan after all and he knew he would never expect him to behave all proper and polite. In fact, he often tried to escape the world of fancy and rich people. 

He was surprised though, when a serious looking man in a suit approached them.

“Welcome home Akashi-sama.” He glanced sideways at Reo. “Shall I take your coat?” 

“It’s fine.” Akashi replied dismissively. “Is Yuka home?” 

“Your wife left one hour ago to visit her mother, sir. She said she wanted to stay there a few days.” 

“I see.” Akashi’s expression didn’t change, but Reo felt a little bad that he was relieved from the news. 

“You may go home for the day. I don’t need anything else.” 

The man looked hesitant, glancing at Reo again, but then he bowed politely at Akashi. 

“Very well sir.” 

That was quite a bizarre experience for him.. When the man left, they took off their outer-clothes in the hall and Reo kept watching Akashi. 

“You have a butler?” He asked, slightly disbelieving, but then again he shouldn’t be surprised. 

“Ah, yes. His name is Tanaka.” 

“I don’t think he likes me very much.” 

“Why do you think that?” 

“He kept giving me the side-eye like I wasn’t welcome and like he was silently questioning what I was doing here.” 

“Ah.. I’m sorry about that.” Akashi apologized and they moved into a living room that was bigger than Reo’s apartment. 

“He’s just overprotective. And he has known me pretty much since I was born, so I think he’s still quite loyal to my father.” 

“Why isn’t he still with your father?” 

“When I became an adult, father asked if he wanted to work for me or keep working for him and Tanaka chose me. I’m not entirely sure why.” 

Reo found it a bit odd if he really was loyal to Akashi’s dad, but he didn’t question it further. He was more interested in the gigantic living room. There was big bookshelves lining the longest wall, completely full with books of many different topics. Classical paintings and other art decorated the other walls and in the middle of one there was a big fireplace. In the middle, there was a low table with three couches around it and a big flat screen TV in front of it. Everywhere else there was chairs, smaller tables with chess and shogi, statues here and there, a mini bar and then Reo noticed in the corner, a big, black piano. The lid was propped up and the black surface looked shiny and beautiful with pure white keys. 

“Ooh! Sei-chan!” 

Reo’s eyes glittered when he saw the piano. He didn’t play himself, but he always loved classical music, and most of all he loved when Akashi played. He remembered when they were together and he used to play different instruments for him. Piano, violin, he even knew a little cello. Reo was always mesmerized by it. 

“Play something for me!” He prompted, grabbing Akashi’s arm and pulling him towards the piano. 

“What? Reo I haven’t played in ages, I’m out of practice.” 

“Oh shush, a genius like you can do anything. Don’t pretend like you’ve forgotten Sei-chan.” 

He dragged him over and pushed him onto the stool, watching in anticipation with sparkling eyes. Eventually Akashi sighed with a small smile and positioned himself more properly, resting his fingers on the keys. 

“Alright, but I might not be as good as I used to.” 

Reo didn’t care. He wouldn’t care if it sounded horrible, he just wanted to watch his Sei-chan play again. Because when Akashi played music, he looked like he was in another world, drifting away in a distant dream and Reo loved seeing him like that. 

Akashi inhaled deeply, slowly exhaled, and then started playing. The moment his fingers hit the piano keys, a shiver ran through Reo. Hauntingly beautiful, it was a calm song, almost a bit melancholic, but not sad. At least Reo didn’t feel sad listening to it. Akashi had closed his eyes and immediately Reo recognised the dreaming expression on his face. His fingers swiftly moved over the keys so elegantly, it looked like a delicate dance. Precise, yet freely, his hands seemed to remember everything on their own. 

The melody drifted out, filling the room. It sounded light, somehow. A feathery-light caress that was also full of feeling and emotions. It reminded Reo of the first snowfall. He could clearly see the image in his head of a completely still landscape and the white flakes slowly falling down so lightly and gently that everything seemed to stand still. The first snow is always so pure. When it colors everything purely white, before it’s blackened by traffic and dirt. 

He couldn’t tell how long the song lasted. It felt like an eternity, but at the same time way too short. The tones drifted on, and eventually the melody slowed and the last notes lingered for a moment before everything went quiet. Reo almost held his breath, afraid to break the enchantment. The music had touched something deep inside of him and he could feel the wetness welling in his eyes. 

“That was beautiful Sei-chan.” He almost whispered. It felt insufficient, but no words felt good enough to describe the song. 

But Akashi was staring down at the piano keys, his now open eyes distant and almost sad. He was completely quiet and Reo got a little worried. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked gently and sat down on the stool next to him. 

Akashi seemed to suddenly remember there was other people in the room, because he quickly looked up, as if breaking out of a trance. 

“I.. Had almost forgotten how it felt like.” 

“Oh Sei-chan..” 

Reo knew how much he loved music. He used to say that it was his only escape when things got tough. If he hadn’t played in so long he had almost forgotten the feeling, did that mean he had giving up on escaping? Had he just accepted that his life would never be what he wanted? It broke Reo’s heart thinking about it. 

Taking Akashi’s hands gently in his own, he gave him a small smile.

“You can play more from now on then. I’d love to hear you play more. Too bad I don’t have a piano at my place..” 

Akashi squeezed his hands, and then he kissed him. The kiss was so tender and full of emotion that it took Reo’s breath away, even though it was brief. When Akashi pulled back, he rested his forehead against Reo’s and touched his cheek gently. 

“Thank you for staying with me.” He murmured and Reo thought his heart might stop from the overwhelming intensity of the emotions. 

He was well aware of the weight of those words. Akashi was thanking him for being patient, for waiting while he was figuring things out. Akashi knew how hard it was for Reo, of course he did. And he was trying his best to make things work. 

“It’s ok, Sei-chan.” Reo whispered, fighting against the tears that were threatening to spill. “We’ll figure this out together. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Akashi whispered back and behind him, Reo could see through a big window that thin flakes of snow were falling gently, coloring the ground white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Akashi is playing on the piano is Rêverie by Debussy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRjllL-MP0U


End file.
